They won’t know Oi coom from the Coontry (That’s what makes Oi larf)

Oi've lived in the coontry all my days,
And Oi ain't got chick nor woife.
Oi be go-ing oop to London town next week
For the first toime in my life.
Oi've read all about they rogues and thieves
That you meet in London town!
If they once know a chap's from the coontry, whoy, 
They oops and takes him down.

But they won't know Oi coom from the country - no!
Their little game Oi'll spoil.
Oi've bought these clothes and the tailor says
They're the latest London stoyle.
Oi've learned to talk like a Cockney
Oi can say "Wot ho! not 'arf!"
So they won't know Oi comes from the coontry, no.
(He! He!) that's what makes Oi larf

As soon as Oi get to London town
Oi shall walk to Lay-ster Squeer
For Oi’ve heard a lot about those ballet girls
That you always foind around theer
Oi’ve seen them in pictures scores of toimes
And Oi thinks they're foine, don't you?
If Oi meet some of them, Oi'll say "Pip-pip!"
Loike the Cockney chaps all do


And they won't know Oi come from the country - no!
Oi’ll tell a rare old tale.
We’ll go to the Hotel Metropole
And Oi’ll buy them pots o’ yale
And if they gals want to kiss me, whoy,
Oi’ll  say "Wot ho! not 'arf!"
So they won't know Oi comes from the coontry, no.
(He! He!) that's what makes Oi larf

Oi'll go the tow’r of London that's
Wheer the King lives, they do say.
And o’ course Oi'll  have a walk thro’ the Haymarket:
Oi'm a main good judge o’ hay.
Oi'll see Piccadilly Circus too
For a circus show's all roight
And Oi've heerd o’ the splendid performances
They  give theer ev'ry noight.

They won't know Oi come from the country - no!
Oop in the gay West End
Oi’ll  live like a lord, if it cost two bob
For Oi don’t care what Oi spend
If folks say “Wheer do hee coom from?"
Oi’ll say "Wot ho! not 'arf!"
They won't know Oi comes from the coontry, no.
(He! He!) that's what makes Oi larf

Oi won't go to bed till half-past ten,
For they keep late hours oop there;
And a collar and a tie Oi'll weer each day,
And some hair-oil on my hair.
Oi've heerd the Savoy's a smart hotel,
But if that full-oop should be,
Whoy, they tell Oi theer's one called Rowton House 
That's just the place for me.

They won't know Oi coom from the coontry_ no! 
When for a stroll Oi go,
Oi'll weer my hat on the soide, like this, 
And Oi'll swing my stick, like so.
If p'licemen say, "Move along, theer!" whoy, 
Oi’ll say "Wot ho! not 'arf!"
They won't know Oi comes from the coontry, no.
(He! He!) that's what makes Oi larf