Oh, The Business!

OH, THE BUSINESS!
Written and Composed by T. W. CONNOR.
Sung by HARRY RANDALL.

We keep	a little gen'ral shop,
The Missis and	myself;
And since we've learnt the "wrinkles" we've 
Got "quids" upon the shelf, 
Our customers want coaxing, so,	
With ev'ry thing we sell, 
We've started giving presents and
A bit of "kid" as well.

And oh, the business!
Things are beginning to hum. 
Ask the ladies,
They know where to come!
With ev'ry ha'p'ny bundle of wood 
We give 'em a quartern of gin, 
And lend 'em a shilling till Tuesday week, 
And they all come rolling in!
[twice]
 
We sell all sorts of nice things, from
A bootlace to a bun,
And from the baby to the "boss,"
We study ev'ry one.
The fathers like a bit of fuss
Made of them now and then;
And that's where my old girl comes in,—
She manages the men.

And oh, the business!
Things are beginning to hum.
Ask the fathers,
They know where to come!
With ev'ry penn'orth of thre'penny shag 
She tickles 'em under the chin;
So whenever they think they'd like to be tickled, 
They all come rolling in!

The maidens fair with gilded hair 
We cater for as well;
For scented soap, complexion pills 
And powder-puffs we sell.
I'm up to all their little tricks,
Since I'm a married man,
I know just what they want, and try 
To please them all I can.
 
And oh, the business I
Things are beginning to hum.
Ask the darlings,
They know where to come.
With ev'ry penn'orth of violet-powder, 
We give 'em a safety-pin;
So whenever a string or a button comes off, 
They all come rolling in.

The schoolboys in our neighbourhood
Are such a saucy lot,
That ev'ry day the master has
To find their tender spot.
But we must have their ha'pence, though
It's needless to explain ;
So lately we've been telling them
The way to cheat the cane.

And oh, the business!
Things are beginning to hum.
Ask the schoolboys,
They know where to come !
With ev'ry ha'porth of almond-rock. 
We give 'em a sheet of tin
To stick in the seat of their corduroys,
And they all come rolling in.