Now we sha’n’t be long!

From UK Sheet Music (1896):

NOW WE SHA'N'T BE LONG
Sung by Herbert Campbell
Written and composed by TW Connor

Today I went straight home from work, as oft I've done before
Instead of my wife meeting me
As usual at the door,
There stood the fat old monthly nurse,
All smiling and serene,
Said she, "You'd better take a walk"
Said I, "God save the Queen!" Ah!

Now we sha'n't be long,
Now we sha'n't be long,
Very shortly I can see, 
Another increase in the family,
I've had so much of it.
I know I cannot be wrong
The nurse is about, she's ordered me out,
So now we sha'n't be long!
[Twice]

For years I have been going to move,
But haven't done it yet,
For places where you pay no rent
Are very hard to get.
At last it looks like coming off,
For, being short of tin,
They've gone and out the water off,
And put the brokers in.

So now we sha'n't be long,
Now we sha'n't be long ; 
All the family's got the hump, 
To-morrow we're off to the blooming "lump"—
I've had so much of it,
I know I can't be wrong—
They've collared our sticks, left us with nix,
So now we sha'n't be long! 

I'm shortly going to lose a pal, 
I'm very much afraid,
For just on seven years has he
Been courting one sweet maid; 
He hasn't said a word to me,
Nor are they married yet— 
But yesterday, they both went out
And bought a bassinette.

So now we sha'n't be long, 
Now we sha'n't be long ;
When sweethearts buy a bassinette,
Well, they mean business, you can bet,— 
I've seen so much of it,
I know I can't be wrong—
Buying the cart's a very good start, 
So now we sha'n't be long!

Beneath my bedroom window stood
A fellow and a miss-
For two hours he'd been struggling
For just one little kiss.
Said he, "Then must I leave you thus"
Said she, "Oh, I dunno!"
Then he said "Darling!" — she said "Dear!"
Says I to myself, "Halloa!"

"Now we sha'n't be long,
Now we sha'n't be long ;
One in the morning, all alone,
Having a barney all on their own — 
I've seen so much of it,
I know I can't be wrong — 
'Darling' — 'Dear' — nobody near —
Now we sha'n't be long!"



From broadside:

NOW WE SHA'N'T BE LONG BEFORE WE DO
Sung by Herbert Campbell

I've often thought of married life. 
While sitting on my own.
And fancy I should like a wife, 
It's wrong to be alone,
I have to do my needlework 
To make myself look smart
But yesterday I'm glad to say I found a little tart

Now we shan't be long before we do, we do, we do. 
Just because she knows a thing or two. two, two. 
She looked so very sly, and she winked the other eye 
Oh, Jerusalem, now we shan't be long.

I took a villa out of town. 
To please my bettor half,
Down by the sea, oh what a spree 
Where she could have a bath,
The comforts that I had oh my 
All things went on serene
Not being used to bathing. I 
Got in the wrong machine.

My wife she tore her beef-eater. 
At me began to swear
She torn my Trilby in a half
My charming lady fair
She jumped about the room like mad
And swore she'd punch my head, 
But very soon we made things right
Then tumbled into bed.

Three years we have been married, and 
We've neither chick nor child,
It often upsets Mary Jane
And sometimes makes me wild, 
At night she'll wander in her sleep 
I got it hot and strong,
But she rests more contented and 
Says now we shan't be long.