Running up and down our stairs

Running Up and Down our Stairs

Now my wife's mother, she's a bit too stout
Eighteen "stunner" - she's a fair knock out -
She's admired by country farmers
If they could  see her in pyjamas;
Just to get a little exercise
A fine idea she's planned;
And ev'ry morning at three o'clock'
With a clock-weight in each hand:

(She's) Running up and down our stairs, running up and down our stairs.
One sad day she made a bit of fuss,
Puffing like a great big hippopotamus.
When suddenly a great big nail, took  poor mother unaware,
She slipped and punctured her india rubber tyre
Running up and down our stairs.

Once I had a funny dream -ha! ha!
I was in the harem with the Shah;
I'd got a turban on my "Barnet," 
Mashing the girls - it was "Sir Garnet."
All at once I woke up with a fright,
The missis pulled my nose; 
And there were fifteen firemen with
A blooming great big hose.

Running up and down our stairs, running up and down our stairs,
I fell out of bed in a fright, 
Rushed from the room with my whiskers all alight:
To save our happy little home - moving the tables and the chairs,
I was very busy in a little short shirt, running up and down our stairs.


Once our lodgers, oh! it made me weep,
Bought a lot of baked sheep's heads up cheap; 
They chained 'em up in the yard on Monday,
To keep 'em sweet till the following Sunday! 
They were barking all the whole night long, 
And woke me from my snore;
Last Saturday the lot broke loose.
And what do you think I saw 
 
Running up and down our stairs? running up and down our stairs?
Those sheep's heads, without a bit of doubt, 
Every one with its tongue hanging out; 
They didn't seem to care for me, for there was all the lot in pairs,
Singing, "Baa-baa! black sheep, have you any wool?" running up and down our stairs.

I'm the owner of a big black cat,
Always sitting on the street-door mat, 
Cleaning herself for the occasion
Mashing the cats of the male persuasion.
Once I couldn't get a wink of sleeр
From twelve o'clock till two,
Our puss, puss, puss, in company with
A young man cat she knew - (Kept)-

Running up and down our stairs, running up and down our stairs,
There upon the landing they'd sit and spoon,
Talk about the pleasures of the honeymoon -
But the courtship's come to an end, and now I have to say my prayers - There's ten little kittens, and the mother and the father, running up and down our stairs.