Running up and down our stairs

Running Up and Down our Stairs
(Recorded by Neil Lanham at Grove Farm, Blaxhall, 1965. Transcription by Rod Stradling from Cyril Poacher Mustrad CD Sleeve notes)

Now my wife's mother, she's a bit too stout
For an eighteen stoner, she's a fair knock out.
She's admired by the country farmers
When they see her in pyjamas.
Just for a bit of exercise
A fine idea she's planned;
Every morning at three o'clock'
Clock-weight in each hand:

She's a-running up and down our stairs,
A-running up and down our stairs.
One fine night she made a bit of fuss,
Puffing like a great big hippopotamus.
Suddenly a great big nail,
It caught poor Mother unaware,
She slipped and punctured her India rubber tyre
Running up and down our stairs.

I had a very funny dream last night. Ha ha,
I dreamt I was in the ?? with a shah.
I had a turbot (turban?) on my barnet
...............?
Suddenly I woke up in a fright,
My Missis pulled my nose.
There were fifteen firemen
With a blooming great big hose.

A-running up and down our stairs.
A-running up and down our stairs.
I jumped out of the bed in a fright,
Rushing round the room with me whiskers all alight.
Just to save our happy little home
I was shifting the tables and the chairs.
And I was very busy in me little short shirt
A-running up and down our stairs.

Now a lodger next door he made me weep,
Brought a lot of black sheep's heads up cheap
............
To keep them sweet 'til the following May.
They were ?? the whole night long,
They woke me from my snore.
And the next day morning when I awoke
What do you think I saw?

A-running up and down our stairs.
A-running up and down our stairs.
These sheep's heads without a bit of doubt,
All of them had their tongue hanging out.
They didn't seem to care for me,
For there they were in pair,
Singing Baa baa black sheep have you any wool?
Running up and down our stairs.

Now I'm the owner of a big black cat,
She's always a-sitting on the front door mat.
Washing herself for the occasion
? the cats of the male persuasion.
I didn't get a wink of sleep
From ten o'clock 'til four,
There was puss, puss, puss in company
With a young man cat she knew.

A-running up and down our stairs.
A-running up and down our stairs.
There on the landing they would sit and spoon,
Talk about the place for your honeymoon.
Their courtship came to an end
And I had to say my prayers.
There was ten little kittens and a pa and ma
A-running up and down our stairs.