Weddin’ o’ Lauchie M’Graw

It's all of a spree I'm going to prattle:
That night I fell in with some curious cattle:
To tell ye the truth, it was liker a battle,
It was, than the weddin' o' Lauchie M'Graw.
There were miners and joiners, and journeyman bakers,
A Hielan' Zulu, and a bundle o' Quakers,
The look on their faces near gave us the shakers,
That nicht o' the weddin' o' Lauchie M'Graw.

Oh, but it was a terrible tare,
Me and mysel' and my mither were there;
May I get mixed up wi' the wheels of a train,
If ever I go to a weddin' again.

We had plenty to eat - we had frost-bitten liver,
As sure as you're her, and as sure as you're never,
The look of the beef nearly gave us the fever,
That nicht o' the weddin' o' Lauchie M'Graw.
The next thing we had was a cart-load of peelin's,
And a big Irish stew that was made in the Hielan's;
And, oh, but the look of it hurted our feelin's,
That nicht o' the weddin' o' Lauchie M'Graw.

All of a sudden, big Donal' McGinty,
With several tailors he kicked up a shinty;
He lifted a poker, and killed about twenty,
That nicht o' the weddin' o' Lauchie M'Graw.
There's no doubt he was in a terrible passion,
With flytin', and bitin', and kickin', and bashin',
There's some o' their faces will never need washin',
Now since the weddin' o' Lauchie M'Graw.

The first one to sing was Hughie O'Hara,
He started, and gave us a verse oh "Ta-ra-ra";
But Hughie's remains were removed in a barrer,
That nicht o' the weddin' o' Lauchie M'Graw.
The next one to sing was a Mrs. McRussell,
She couldn't sing, so she started to whustle,
Then somebody gave her a kick in the bustle,
That nicht o' the weddin' o' Lauchie M'Graw.