Turned up

In our little village there has been a tragedy
Deary, deary me, such a terrible tragedy
Mary Ellen Bottomley should have been wed
It's a good job that she didn't now so everybody said,

Mary Ellen at the church turned up...
Her Mother turned up and her Dad turned up
Her sister Gert, and her rich uncle Bert,
And the Parson in his long white shirt turned up
But no bridegroom with the ring turned up
But a telegraph boy with his nose turned up
Brought a telegram that said he didn't want to wed
And they'd find him in the river with his toes turned up.

The people waiting at the church fairly blocked the road
They waited in the road for the money the bridegroom owed
'My heart is broken' cried the bride, so Jim the butcher's son
He rushed into his shop and brought her out another one.

A week went by, then someone learned
The bridegroom wasn't drowned
He went a-round and found John asleep in his bed so sound
His real wife, she was waiting at the church that day, it's true
Said 'If there'd been a wedding there'd have been a funeral too.'