| AKA | To be a farmer’s boy |
| Lyrics | Worton David | Music | JP Long | Roud | RN1485 |
| Music Hall performers | Jack Lane 1915 |
| Folk performances | Cyrill Phillips, 1960 George Belton, ca 1972 |
One day when I was out of work a job I went to seek To be a farmer's boy At last I found an easy job at half-a-crown a week To be a farmer's boy The farmer said, 'I think I've got the very job for you Your duties will be light, for this is all you've got to do. Rise at three every morn, Milk the cow with the crumpled horn Feed the pigs, clean the sty, Teach the pigeons the way to fly Plough the fields, mow the hay, Help the cocks and hens to lay Sow the seed, tend the crops, Chase the flies from the turnip tops Clean the knives, black the shoes Scrub the kitchen and sweep the flues Help the wife, wash the pots Grow the cabbages and carrots Make the beds, bust the coals Mend the gramophone And then if there's no more work to do The rest of the Day's your own. I scratched my head and thought it would be absolutely prime To be a farmer's boy The farmer said you'll have to do some overtime When you're a farmer's boy Said he, 'The duties that I've given you, you'll be quickly through So I've been thinking of a few more things that you can do' 'Skim the milk, make the cheese, Chop the meat for the sausagees Bath their kids, mend their clothes Use your dial to scare the crows In the milk put the chalk Shave the nobs off the pickled pork Shoe the horse, break the coal Take the cat for his midnight stroll Cook the food, scrub the stairs Teach the parrot to say his prayers Roast the joint, bake the bread Shake the feathers up in the bed When the wife's got the gout Rub her funny-bone And if there's no more work to do The rest of the Day's your own. I thought it was a shame to take the money, you can bet To be a farmer's boy And so I wrote my duties down in case I should forget I was a farmer's boy It took all night to write 'em down, I didn't go to bed But somehow I got all mixed up, and this is how they read. Rise at three, every morn Milk the hen with a crumpled horn Scrub the wife every day Teach the nanny-goat how to lay Shave the cat, mend the cheese Fit the tights on the sausagees Bath the pigs, break the pots Boil the kids with a few carrots Roast the horse, dust the bread Put the cocks and hens to bed Boots and shoes, black with chalk Shave the hair on the pickled pork All the rest I forget, somehow it had flown But I got the sack this morning So the rest of the Day's my own.
This song is sometimes described as a parody of “The Farmer’s Boy”, one of the most popular and widely collected English folk songs (Roud 408). The line “to be a Farmer’s boy” appears in both songs, with a similar melody, but the rest of the song is quite different, so its certainly not a parody in any straightforward sense.
Collected from traditional singers in the South of England: by Ken Stubbs from the singing of Cyril Phillips, 1960, and by Keith Summers from the singing of George Belton, ca 1972. Cyril Phillips described it as perhaps:
“the oldest song in my repertoire … a song about a boy working on a farm. A man named Kemp Scott used to sing it at the village smoking concerts in the twenties. He was a good entertainer and I remember him from Eastbourne.”
Mudcat.org
Despite this, its pretty clear that Kemp Scott got it directly or indirectly, from the Halls.
The lyrics were written by Worton David (1872-1940), a writer who churned out hundreds of songs, working with a variety of composers. As a young man he worked in a solicitors office, but his skill at writing stories and drawing cartoons saw him employed by the Leeds Mercury, a position which required him to regularly attend the Leeds Empire. This was the beginning of his relationship with the Halls. His songwriting and financial acumen were such that he eventually set up his own publishing company.
Jack Lane appears to have been a music Hall performer who was initially successful in the North and Midlands. But other than this I have found out little about him, so far.
Sources:
- Lyrics: monologues.co.uk
- Sheet music: National Library of Australia
- VWML entries
- Mudcat thread
- Baker British Music Hall
- Kilgarriff Sing us
As Jack Lane sang it:
Last Updated on October 25, 2020 by John Baxter | Published: April 6, 2020
