Here’s to Private Tommy Atkins

From song sheet held in Bodleian Library

HERE'S TO PRIVATE TOMMY ATKINS
Parody written by FV St Clair

You can fetch him from the "Grapes" or "Barley Mow" 
You can fill him with condensed milk and tea, 
You can swear his whiskers never more will grow, 
Till he goes to fight across the angry sea. 
He may have been a bold Militia man, 
He may have fought with Sullivan and Mace, 
But before he'll cross the ocean, he will fill himself with lotion. 
And then a "barrel" organ he would face.

Oh Tommy, Tommy Atkins 
You are a Demon for the fray, 
When the Duke of Cambridge with his umbrella's far away. 
When the bugle sounds for dinner 
You are to the front I'm sure; 
Here's good luck to Tommy Atkins, 
How he loves the cookhouse door

I once met Tommy Atkins far away, 
O'er the plains of Egypt, marching to the strains 
Of a Jews harp and a whistle all the day, 
And the tune they played was "Do please close the drains" 
I have met him at the "Bug and Glue Pot Inn" 
With a pot of "four 'alt" and a long clay pipe; 
I have seen in push a bottle down his very thirsty throttle, 
When he's made supper off a piece of tripe 

Oh Tommy, Tommy Atkins 
You're as hot as hot can be, 
But I'm sure you're only failings 
Beer or rum instead of tea. 
May your nose be never redder 
When your pay each week you "blue" 
"May you never die for England 
Till your countries dead to you"

I have seen him when he's out upon the mash, 
Then Tommy Atkins face is full of smiles, 
And he loves to cut a regular perfect dash, 
He's as bad as any Tom Cat on the tiles. 
But when England is in danger you can bet, 
In the van your find our Tommy brave and bold, 
All danger he is sharing, but when Scotch kilts he's wearing, 
The girls say "Tommy Atkin's legs are cold"

Oh Tommy, Tommy Atkins, 
You go rambling round the town, 
Winking slyly at the ladies, 
While the chappies at you frown. 
Tho' your chest is often padded, 
And your moustache thick with glue, 
"Still you'll do more for your country, 
Than she'll ever do for you."