Charming Young Widow, The

 I liv'd in North Wales and one morning last summer
A letter informed me my uncle was dead,
And also requested I'd come on to London,
As he'd left me a very large sum of money, it said.
Of course I determined of making the journey
And to book myself by the First Class I was fain;
Tho I had gone Third I had never encountered
The charming young Widow I meet in the train

The Widow and I side by side sat together
The carriage containing ourselves and no more;
When silence was broken by my fair companion
Who enquired the time by the watch that I wore;
I of course satisfied her, and then conversation
Was freely indulged in by both, till my brain
Fairly reeled with excitement, I grew so enchanted
With the charming young Widow I met in the train

We became so familiar I ventured to ask her
"How old was the child that she held at her breast?"
"Ah sir", she responded, and into tears bursting,
Her infant still closer convulsively pressed,
"When I think of my child I am well nigh distracted
Its father, my husband, oh my heart breaks with pain."
She choking with sobs lean'd her head on my waistcoat,
Did the charming young Widow I met in the train

By this time the train had arrived at the station
Within a few miles of the great one in Town,
When, my charmer exclaimed as she looked through
the Window,
"Good gracious alive! Why there goes Mr Brown,
He's my late husband's brother, Dear sir would you
kindly
My lost beloved child for a moment sustain?"
Of course I complied, then off on the platform
Stepped the charming young Widow I met in the
train

Three minutes elapsed when the Guards whistle sounded,
The train began moving - no Widow appeared,
I bawled out "Stop, stop!" But they paid no attention,
With a snort and a jerk starting off, as I feared.
In this horrid dilemma, I sought for the hour?
But my watch - ha ! Where was it? Where - where
was my chain?
My purse too, my ticket, gold pencil-case - all gone!
Oh ! that artful young Widow I met in the train.

While I was my loss thus deeply bewailing,
The train again stopped and I "Tickets, please!" heard;
So I told the Collector - while dandling the infant,
The loss I'd sustained, but be doubted my word;
He called more officials, a lot gathered round me,
Uncovered the child, oh! how shall I explain?
For behold, 'twas no baby, 'twas only a dummy!
Oh! that crafty young Widow I met in the train.

Satisfied I'd been robbed, they allow'd my departure,
The of course I had settle my fare the next day;
And I now wish to counsel young men from the country
Lest they should get served in a similar way;
Beware of young Widows you meet on the Railway,
Who lean on your shoulders, whose tears fall like rain
Look out for your pockets - in case you are familiar with
The charming young Widow I met in the train

Alternative version
Whilst in South Wales a letter was sent to me
From London, which bid me quickly repair
To an uncle; it stated: fast he was dying,
The wish had expressed to make me his heir.
So, hurriedly packing a few things together,
Wishing that London quickly might gain,
By a first-class express went; in the same carriage,
A charming young widow I met in the train.

An infant she had, so fondly caressing;
I ventured to ask: "If that was her own?"
She answered, in words appearing distressing:
"Yes; and its Papa is dead and gone!"
When the question I asked, in my face looking..
That look I shall ne'er be forgetting again!
In fact, fast my heart to herself was hooking,
Was the charming young widow I met in the train.
 
As the train it was stopping, the engine to water,
She asked, in a hurry: "Would I be so kind
Her infant to take it, the darling so quiet?"
"Of course" I replied, I didn't mind.
To the refreshment-room she went into.
The signal for starting I heard, but in vain,
Not a glimpse could I see of her; the train without started,
The charming young widow I met in the train.

Loud I was shouting, the train to be stopping,
Out of the window putting my head;
No answer receiving, the infant I took it,
Discovered, O horror! it was dead!
On its bosom was sewn a note: which on reading,
Found I was taken in, done for, quite plain:
It begged me bury the child for the sake of
The charming young woman I met in the train.
 
It was strange to myself that I was remarking
How quiet a child, not hearing a sound..
The sweet little creature asleep was, she told me;
Quite dead  in sleep..so, in truth, I found.
I took it, and buried the poor little creature,
Its age or its name I could not explain;
On a stone was inscribed: "Underneath was bequeathed me
By a charming young Widow I met in the train".