Anywhere does for me

[From Sheet Music held at the Bodleian Library]
ANYWHERE DOES FOR ME
Written and composed by TW Connor

I’m a married man, I am, 
And what a familee!
I don’t know exactly but 
I think it’s twenty-three. 
Where to put them all is now 
One of my greatest cares 
Half a score sleeps on the floor 
And a few more up the stairs 

Anywhere does for me, anywhere does for me 
At 6 o’clock to bed I’m put, 
Then they bung me at the foot. 
All the others wipe their feet on my "phys-og-o-mee"
I don’t care, anywhere - anywhere does for me!
[twice]

I went home the other day 
With pains all over me;
My old girl put me to bed 
As quickly as could be. 
She said "You wants poultice and
Your pain will soon be gone."
Then mixed up a pound of mustard and
Said, "Where d'ye want it on?"
I said:

"Anywhere does for me! anywhere does for me!
As long as her makes it nice and hot 
I’m not "partic" about the spot. 
Bung it where you like on my anatomy, 
For I don’t care! anywhere - anywhere does for me!"
[twice]

Where I was a-staying once 
A bally fire broke out;
I got out of the window, and 
Made for the gutter-spout. 
Didn't see the fire escape,
I was so full of fright 
Went sliding down the gutter-spout
With my Union-Jack alight. 

Anywhere does for me! anywhere does for me!
Down the spout I had to slide; 
Suddenly the fireman cried,
"Where d’you want the water?" I said "Idiot, can’t you see? 
I don’t care, anywhere -  anywhere does for me!"
[twice]

I went to races, where
They "skun" me out complete*.
In the railway carriage I
Got underneath the seat.
Crowds of lovely girls got in - 
It made me feel so queer 
When one of them looked down and said 
"What are you doing here?"
I said:

Anywhere does for me! anywhere does for me!
Got no money - "stoney broke- "
To walk home would be no joke.
I don’t mind your muddy boots as long as I can see.
I don’t care, anywhere -  anywhere does for me!"

["skun" = "skinned"]