Wireless on the Brain

WIRELESS ON THE BRAIN
monologues.co.uk

If I ever meet that son of a gun who first invented wireless
I'll kill 'im, I'll kill 'im, I'll have his bally gore
At listening-in my dear old Dutch is absolutely tireless
And when I want to fall asleep and snore
She went and bought a wireless set and what a wreck I feel
We 'ave a bloomin' opera with every blinkin' meal.

My wife Jane she's got wireless on the brain
While she's taking messages, I send S.O.S-ages
Even in my bye-bye, she cries, 'You lazy Turk
Can't you 'ear the wireless. It's time you started work.'

She gabbles about her wireless ways, her aerials and broadcasting
No error, a terror my old girl's going to be
And when I sit down at breakfast time, I've 'ad to sit there fasting
'Cos she, all smiles, is listening-in you see
She says, Lloyd George is speaking now
Then I shout good and strong
'Ere, ain't it nearly time some wireless kippers came along.

I jolly well wish that missis of mine had never met Marconi
I'm worried, I'm flurried, I tremble like a mouse
I'm pretty well near off my filbert, and I'm not so far from stoney
For everything is wireless in our house
Our wireless dog keeps barking outside on his wireless chain
And upstairs in the attic they've 'ad wireless twins again.

My wife Jane she's got wireless on the brain
While she's taking messages, I send S.O.S-ages
Even in my bye-bye, she's shouting out, 'Police
Who's upset the turkey. He's mopping up the grease?'