Tipperary Christening, The

From "Six Hundred and Seventeen Irish Songs and Ballads" (c1898, Wehman)

It was down in that place, Tipperary,
Where they're so airy, and so contrary,
Where they kick up the devil's figarie,
When they christened my beautiful boy.
Tim Doolin, the piper, sat thinking,
And a-winking, and a-blinking,
A noggin of punch he was drinking,
And wishing the parents great joy.

When home from the church they came,
Father Tom and old Mickey Branagan,
And scores of pretty boys and girls
As ever you'd wish for to see.
And in through the open door,
Hogan. the tinker, Lather and Lanagan,
Kicked up a row, and wanted to know
Why they wasn't asked to the spree.

Then the youngster set up such a bawling,
Such a squalling, caterwauling,
For he got such a terrible mauling,
Oh, that was the day of great joy.
Then the piper set up such a moaning
And such a droning, and such a croning,
In the corner his dhudeen was turning,
When they christened sweet Dennis, the boy.

The aristocracy came to the party -
There was McCarty, light and hearty,
With Florence Berdelia Fogarty
Who said that was French for a name;
Dionysius Alphonso Mulrooney,
Oh, so spooney, and so looney.
With charming Evangellne Mooney,
Of society she was the cream.

Cora Teresa Maud McCann,
Roderick Rooke and Julia McCafferty.
Thomas A. Diddymus, Morris McGan,
And Clarence Ignatius McGurk;
Cornelius Horatio Flaherty's wife,
Adolphus Grace and Dr. O'Rafferty.
Eva McLanghlin and Cora Muldoon,
And Brigadier-General Burke.

They were dancing the polka-mazurka,
'Twas a worker not a shirker,
And a voice of Vienna la Turker,
And the polka-redowa divine;
After dancing they went into lunching,
Oh, such munching. and such crunching,
They were busy as bees at a lunching,
With their coffee, tea, whiskey and wine.

They had all kinds of tea - they had Shooshong.
They had Ningnong. and Drinkdong,
'With Oolong and Boolong, and Toolong,
And teas that were made in Japan; .
They had sweetmeats imported from Java,
And from Youver, and from Havre.
In the four-masted steamer "Manarver,"
That sails from beyond Hindoostan.

Cold ice-cream, and cream that was hot,
Romeo punch, snowball and sparrowgrass,
Patty D. Foy, whatever that means,
Made out of goose-liver and grease;
Red-headed duck, salmon and peas.
Bandy-legged frogs, Peruvian ostriches,
Bottled noix, woodcock and snipe,
And everything that would please.

After dinner, of course, there was speaking,
And hand-shaking, and leave-taking,
In the corners old mothers match-making,
And other such innocent sins;
Then they bid a good-bye to each other,
To each mother, and each brother,
When the last rose I thought I would smother,
Well they wished that the next would be twins.