They’re all very fine and large

To be too modest nowadays
Is not a thing that pays.
It's best to shout what you've to sell
In these advertising days
I say this song is somewhat great
To ventilate our wrongs
But as for that, you all well know
That nearly all my songs.

They're all very fine and large
They're sound and fat and prime
If you think you can beat 'em
It will take you all your time
They're the widest in creation
And I make no extra charge
Who'll have a chance for a dozen or two?
They're all very fine and large.

To the ladies I must dedicate
At least one special verse
We court, we love, we marry them
Don't laugh, you might do worse
And oh, those tasty, dressy ones
Who pass you with a wink
And always know your Christian name
Do I like 'em? Well, I think,

Our policemen are a credit to
The land that gave 'em birth
They're the pluckiest set of fellows
You'll find upon the earth
At the Crystal Palace, once a year
On revelry they meet
Who'll take a dozen tickets now?
To see the policemen's fete?

I once rode in an omnibus
And was so upset to find
My fare it came to fourpence
And I'd left my purse behind
The conductor said, 'Look here, young chap
This game won't do for me
I'm going to take it out in kicks'
And he only gave me three. But,

I thought I'd go to Margate once
For rest and change of air
But oh, I lost some pounds of flesh
The few days I was there
I couldn't get a wink of sleep
I shan't forget that bed
The Landlady said 'Do you like the rooms?'
I paid my bill and said,