Them three acres of land and a cow

THREE ACRES AND A COW (As sung by Harry Liston)

[Sheet music was not accessible at time of writing, this is a version published in Welsh Newspaper, The Weekly Mail 5 March 1887 ]


My name's Tommy Turnip, I works on a farm, 
At the plough and frightening the rooks. 
They say I be saft, yit it does I no harm, 
For I baint sich a vool as I looks. 
They've give I a vote, and the gents spake so vine 
That I scarce hunderstand them, I vow 
For they talk sich saft soap of the fortune that's mine, 
In "Three Acres o' Land and a Cow." 

SPOKEN: Some saye them Ridicules be the peasants, friends, and if we only vote for him we shall have this here three acres o' land and a cow, and drink beer and play skittles, and have no work to do. When they wants I to swaller it I answers, "He, he, he! Believe Brummagem stuff? Not for Joe!" 

They says, "Sing, mate, your vortune you'll make 
Wi' three acres o' land and a cow." 
But it gives I the hump, for I baint such a chump 
As to swaller their gammon jist now. 

I baint a great scholard, but, still, I can see 
As far through a milestone as some, 
And these here big promises seems, friends, to be 
A regular "do" and a "hum"
To give I three acres they'd first rob the squire. 
And the squire aint bad, I'll allow:
So that is a game up agen which I'd fire. 
Though it means land to us and a cow. 

SPOKEN: He, he, he! They must think I be a chump! Why, if they take all the land and cows from the squire to give to I and my mates, what should I do for my wages and beer-money,and sew on, etc, look you. Shan't aye it at any price. I baint sich a chump as thees think. 

CHORUS

So I makes up my mind no attention to pay 
To the rubbish they tells I at home; 
It be all very well, if some jolly vine day, 
The cow and three acres sha1l come. 
But till that comes off on my way I'll jog, 
Earn my bread by the sweat o" my brow, 
And at harvest time drink the squire's health in grog, 
And make game o' them acres and cow. 

SPOKEN: Lor', to be sure! What do 'em think anybody is made on? Thay'll be telling us next that thay be gwain to sow the hays wi' grass and braid the cows on hit. He. he. he! 

CHORUS

Hodge was a term regularly used in the theatres at this time to indicate a yokel, an agricultural labourer of less than average intelligence.

Here is a description of a perforformance at Derby on Boxing Day 1885:

MR. LISTON AT THE DRILL HALL. On Boxing Day, the above-named clever and versatile vocalist and comedian attracted two large audiences at the Drill Hall. Mr. Liston’s character delineations are very good, his changes are exceedingly rapid, and sings well. He adds a little ventriloquism and legerdemain to his other qualifications, and with the aid a lady accompanist, carries out a monologue entertainment exceedingly well. His comic song as a mummy was very good, and cleverly done, and his impersonation of country bumpkin overcome with the prospect of “three acres and a cow” most amusing, although his final determination to sell the land for rum, and milk the cow into it, would hardly commend itself to our temperance friends. Mr. Liston gives good evening’s entertainment without any vulgarity, and fully deserves the support receives.

Derbyshire Advertiser and Journal, Friday 01 January 1886

Successful songs in the halls were often performed in Christmas pantomimes, and the following description suggests that the song may have been sung in the 1885 Christmas production The Gaiety:

Oswald Allen was best known as a writer of of pantomimes and burlesques, though he also wrote a number of songs.

NB: At the time of writing I have not been able to access the original sheet music for Harry Liston’s version of the song, though extracts published in Michael Diamond’s article seems to confirm that they are broadly the same as the version published in The Weekly Mail above. Sheet music for Harry Liston’s version is held in various libraries and is described as having a caricature of Liston on the cover.

The second version of the song probably came later and it’s likely that at some point in the 1880s Allan revised the song, this time respectfully dedicating it to the Right Honorary Joseph Chamberlain MP! At the moment I have only been able to access the sheet music cover (left), but Michael Diamond quotes the chorus as being:

Just think on that my own dear wife
And soothe your careworn brow
Good fortune bring to you and them
Three acres and a cow

This version was probably not sung by Liston. The farmer on the cover does not resemble the usual caricatures of Liston used in his publicity (see for example the poster here) and no performer is named on the cover.

This second version of the song, or at the very least its chorus, has passed into traditional singing. It was sung by Francis Shergold of Bampton Morris and released on the Veteran CD Greeny Up. On the recording, made by John Howson in 1987, Shergold says that he remembered from his grandfather singing it – Shergold was in born in 1919, so his grandfather might well have been alive during the election of 1885. You can hear Shergold singing it at the British library Sound archive here. [Also available on streaming services].

It would be useful to check the sheet music of this second version to see how it compares with the song as sung by Francis Shergold. This is my transcription of the words that Shergold sings:

We’ve toiled my lads both early and late
To earn a few good meals
While Squire and Farmer lived in state
And crushed us ‘neath their heel
But brighter days are coming lass
To you and me I’ll vow
And those who took us by the hand
Three acres and a cow

Just think on that my own dear wife
And soothe your careworn brow
Good fortune bring to you and them
Three acres and a cow

The heavy clouds are forming fast
Though dim the peasant’s lot
The bad old days for them are past
And hope shines in our lot
There is a vote within this land
That we shall too soon have known
And those who took us by the hand
Three acres and a cow

Just think on that my own dear wife
And soothe your careworn brow
Good fortune bring to you that sing
Three acres and a cow

Sources:

• Kilgarrif Sing Us
• Lyrics: see above
• Sheet Music for version sung by Liston: Worldcat entry (University of Oxford)
• Michael Diamond : Political Heroes of the Victorian Music Hall,   History Today; London Vol. 40, Iss. 1,  (Jan 1, 1990): 33.
• Sheet music cover from Michael Diamond article
• Mustrad article on Francis Shergold
• An interview with Francis Shergold, conducted by Reg Hall, which features the song: British Library Sounds