End of me old cigar (The)

Lyrics Weston Music RP David Roud RN17697

Music Hall performers Harry Champion, 1910s
Folk performances Source singers
Wildman, Alf 1966 England : Bedfordshire
Ellaway, Arthur 1977 England : Gloucestershire
Norman, Mr. and Mrs. 1950-69 England: Bedfordshire
Modern Performances
Martin Carthy
First published 1914 

Now, twenty Christmases ago the Landlord of the 'Star'
Said 'Here's a Christmas box for you a nine-penny cigar'
I smoked it up to Easter, then my dear devoted wife
Said 'Why not throw the end away?' I said 'Not on your life.'

That's the end of my old cigar, Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
I stroll up Piccadilly and they fancy I'm the Shah
I've kept it now for twenty years to do the la-di-da
And I'd rather lose my job then the end of my old cigar.

The other Whitsun Monday we all toddled to the zoo
I puffed away at my cigar and choked the kangaroo
And then I saw an animal that caused a lot of chaff
'Twas called the 'Um-ga-zoo-ze-lum' and just to make it laugh.

With the end of my old cigar, Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
I tickled it beneath the chin, and then the wife's Mamma
Cried out 'It hasn't got a tail, it does look singular
So I borrowed a pin and I stuck on the end of my old cigar.

I went to see Lord Kitchener a week or two ago
I said 'I've got a great idea to kill the German foe'
I said 'If you send me out there, I'll stop their swank and bluff
Then just to show my dignity, I took another puff.

With the end of my old cigar, Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
I said 'You leave this war to me, old cock. and there you are
If I can't kill 'em off with shells, they'll get a nasty jar
I'll poison the whole darned lot of them with the end of my old cigar.

I used to be a sailor, but when I was on the sea
The vessel struck upon a rock just off the Zuyder Zee
The Captain yelled 'We're sinking' But I said 'You're up the pole.'
And soon they saw your humble servant bunging up the hole.

With the end of my old cigar, Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
I bunged the hole up in the ship and saved each jolly tar
But soon they shouted 'Fire' but the cabin boy said 'Bah,
He's under the boat and puffing away at the end of his old cigar.

To help the Prince of Wales' fund, and do our little share
We gave a swell bazaar down at the Mission room, and there
My wife was selling kisses to the Dukes and Earls it's true
She charged them half a sov'reign each, and I was helping too.

With the end of my old cigar, Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
We got the Prince of Wales a thousand pounds at our bazaar
The wife was selling kisses to the swells at 'half a bar'
And I was running a peep show with the end of my old cigar.

As I was coming home one night I saw a house on fire
I thought I'd show my courage that the ladies all admire
So I climbed up a ladder, and the flames began to fight (?)
Then just to show how cool I was, I stopped to get a light.

With the end of my old cigar, Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
Then all at once my missus shouted 'Wake up, can't you Pa
I told you not to smoke in bed, you fool, and there you are
You've burned a hole in your nightshirt with the end of your old cigar.

I went to good old Southend, and when night began to fall
I thought I'd go and have a swim behind a cockle stall
But there I found a lady who'd been washed up on the shore
She'd nothing on but seaweed, so I took another draw.

With the end of my old cigar, Hoorah! Hoorah! Hoorah!
She shouted out to me 'Oh sir, I don't know who you are
But give me something, do, to put round my fig-ah
So I gave her the 'band' I'd taken off the end of my old cigar
Another fondly remembered song from the repertoire of Harry Champion

Sources:

Marin Carthy and Red Sullivan sing: