Phew! Them golden kippers! Don’t they tid’ly wink

[From Sheet Music held at the Bodleian Library]

GOLDEN KIPPERS
(PARODY)
Written by CHARLES OSBORNE

As I was returning from a friendly call,
I saw some kippers on a coster's stall.
So I ask'd the price of the merchant there..
And he says "Gov'nor, a penny a pair." 
So tied up a couple with a piece of rope,
I paid the penny and prepar'd to slope.
Says he, "Don't carry 'em but leave them alone,
Like Little Bo Peep's sheep they'll walk home.

Oh, them golden kippers! Oh, them golden kippers!
Every nose straight up it goes and everybody shouted murder!
Oh, them golden kippers! Phew, them golden kippers,
I've had to throw those golden kippers in the golden street
[twice]

As I walked along, a manure cart stopped
To see if anything by chance had dropped,
And a policeman muttered, who was standing near, 
"There's something wrong with the gas down here." 
Then a soldier halted, and saluted me,
Said I, "what's wrong?" "all right," said he,, 
To superior rank I've always knelt,
And they're the rankest I ever smelt."	

Well at last those kippers to the door I led,
Our tom-cat smelt 'em, and he fell down dead,
And my wife said, "Charlie, this will be my death; 
You are drunk again — I smell your breath."
Said the sanitary man, "I'm just in time
With Condy's fluid and chloride of lime,
But the cattle plague, I'm afraid, remains,
So I'll send some men to attend to the drains 

For three months afterwards the doctor came, 
And the plumbers tinkered at the same old game, 
And what with the snow and the rain, oh Lor'
Well, I was laid up six months more.
And when I reckoned all the exe's through.
What with the plumber and the doctor, too. 
Before I managed of the lot to be rid,
Them kippers cost me fifty quid