PC 49

From sheet music:

Now when I was out of work the missus nagged so much you see!
I went down to the station to see if I could make a 'D'
They dressed me in this uniform and then they said to me
You're PC Forty Nine.
The first time I came out the kids threw mud and spoilt my clothes
A dozen navvies looked at me and punched me on the nose
I don't suppose Jack Johnson ever stopped so many blows
As PC Forty Nine!

PC Forty Nine, Anyone can have this little job of mine!
They throw me in some melted tar, till I was nearly dead,
Then got a big steamroller which they ran across my head
When I got back the sergeant cried "Who are you?" So I said:
I'm PC Forty Nine

One night they held a meeting to advance the suffragette,
The Sergeant said "We need a lot of men they can't upset"
He looked around the station then he shouted "You can bet
For PC Forty Nine"
But how those women mauled me when they caught me by the throat!
They tore the clothes right off my back, to try and get the vote
For all they left me wearing was the collar of my coat
With PC Forty Nine.

PC Forty Nine, Anyone can have this little job of mine!
They ripped my clothes to ribbons, so for help I had to call, 
The Sergeant looked at me and said, as I stood by the wall
"I thought it was Maud Alan but it isn't her at all
Its PC Forty Nine"

I'm getting used to burglars for I know 'em all by site
In fact there's nothing else around, still everything is all right
You see I get so lonely that they're company at night
For PC Forty Nine
They come round and make me hold the ladder down below
While they climb through the window and into the house they go
I don't know how it is, but somehow they don't seem to know
I'm PC Forty Nine

PC Forty Nine, Anyone can have this little job of mine!
When I got out my handcuffs to arrest the tricky band, 
They said they give me ninepence for 'em and snatched 'em from me hand
And then they stole my helmet, cos they didn't understand
I'm PC Forty Nine

The sergeant set out one night on a desperado's track
But couldn't find this Anarchist so after he came back, 
He said "There's only one man who can catch Ferocious Jack, 
That's PC Forty Nine"
So I dressed like a woman, twas a good disguise no doubt,
Then in the den of Anarchists, I rushed with such a shout
In half a minute after there was one poor chap laid out
Twas PC Forty Nine.

PC Forty Nine, Anyone can have this little job of mine!
They tied me to a lamppost and they set me all on fire, 
I blazed up like a furnace – I was still in girls attire,
The sergeant said "It's Joan of Arc!" But I said "You're a liar"
Its PC Forty Nine