Mr Gallagher and Mr Sheen

British version from Lawrence Wright's sheet music:

(BOTH) There are two funny men, the quaintest ever seen
(S) One is Mister Gallagher, 
(G) The other Mister Shean,
(S) When these two cronies meet, 
(G) It surely is a treat,
(BOTH) The things they say, and the things they do, and the funny way they greet,

(S) Oh! Mister Gallagher! Oh! Mister Gallagher!
(G) What’s on your mind this morning Mister Shean?
(S) Ev’rybody’s making fun
Of the way our country’s run
In a mess like this Great Britain's never been;
(G) Oh, Mister Shean! Oh, Mister Shean!
Such a Nat'nal debt before we've never seen,
(S) And the living is so high, that it’s cheaper now to die
(S) Positively Mister Gallagher, (G) Absolutely Mister Shean.

(S) Oh! Mister Gallagher! Oh! Mister Gallagher!
(G) Don't you think that women's rights are past a joke?
(S) Well I think they all should vote
(G) Yes but here's what gets my goat,
Now in public ladies want the right to smoke.
(G) Oh, Mister Shean! Oh, Mister Shean!
And I hear that on Roulette there very keen,
They indulge in games of chance, where a man would lose his pants
(S) I said "Ladies" Mister Gallagher, (G) Where's the diff'rence, Mr Shean.

(S) Oh! Mister Gallagher! Oh! Mister Gallagher!
What’s the name of that game they play on the links
(G) With a stick they knock the ball
Where you can’t find it at all
(S) Then the caddie walks around and thinks and thinks
(G) Oh, Mister Shean! Oh, Mister Shean!
Sure I've played it often I know what you mean
Its a very well-known game 
(S) Well then tell me whats its name
(S) Is It "croquette" Mister Gallagher? (G) No its ping-pong, Mr Shean.

(S) Oh! Mister Gallagher! Oh! Mister Gallagher!
Short skirts in town are causing quite a fuss!
(G) well I don't mind telling you, 
That I've noticed one or two 
When the darlings have been climbing on a bus 
(G) And, Mister Shean! Oh, Mister Shean!
I think more of women's beauty should be seen,
(S) well that's lucky 'pon my life
Yesterday I saw your wife
Rollerskating Mister Gallagher, (G) How dare you Mister Shean!

(S) Oh! Mister Gallagher! Oh! Mister Gallagher!
There was a tiny n***** baby born last night
It was just as black as ink
And it weighed a pound I think
How the devil was it dark and yet so light?
(G) Oh, Mister Shean! Oh, Mister Shean!
Its quite simple if you follow what I mean
A hen as black as night, can lay an egg that's white
(S) That's quite easy Mister Gallagher, (G) Can you do it, Mister Shean?