I’m afraid to come home in the dark

Jonesie married Mabel, a wise owl was he
He told his wife he never drank a stronger thing than tea
But after honeymooning, at night he stayed away
And for a week he never got home till the break of day
At last poor Mabel asked the reason why
Said Jones, 'I'm going to tell the truth or die,

Mabel dear, (sh) listen here, I'm afraid to come home in the dark
Every day the papers say, 'A robbery in the park'
So I sit alone in the Y.M.C.A. singing just like a lark
'There's no place like home' but I couldn't come home in the dark.'

That night after dinner, he bade his wife adieu
Said she, 'Oh, no, it's dark and so I'm going to come with you.'
But somehow Jonesie shook her, for he was as smooth as silk
He got home just in time to meet the man that brought the milk
His wife stood waiting for him on the stair
While Jonesie and the milkman sang this air.

She kissed him good morning, to see him she was glad
And when she tucked him up in bed, says Jones, 'I guess I'm bad'
Next day, the same old story - he came home just at dawn
But he got sober right away when he found she was gone
At noon he heard her slam the garden gate
Said she to Jonesie, 'Is my hat on straight?'

Hubbie dear, (sh) listen here, I'm afraid to come home in the dark
Every day the papers say, 'A robbery in the park'
So I sit alone in the C.A.F.E. singing just like a lark
'There's no place like home' but I couldn't come home in the dark.'