Horse the missis dries the clothes on, The

AKA The Clothes Horse
First Published c1901
Writer/composer FW Leigh Roud RN5661

Music Hall Performers Frank Coyne
Folk performances Collected from the singing of:
Copper, John; England Sussex; 1995		 

I wanted to join the Yeomanry
They told me I'd have to learn to ride a horse
Of course, I'd have to ride a horse
I went to a livery stable not so far from Charing Cross
To hire a horse of course
They said, 'Well, here's a horse.'
And so, of course, I thought it was a horse
It was a funny animal - the legs it had were four
One at every corner, it could have done with several more
The men bunked me up, I started away on my own
But I don't think I shall ever learn to ride like Sloan.

You don't catch me on a gee-gee's back again
It's not the kind of place that you can doze on
The only horse that I think that I could manage
Is the one the missis dries the clothes on.

I'll never forget the feeling
When that horrible quadruped got 'on the go'
You know, I kept on shouting, 'Whoa'
For what with wibberly wobbling and the bumping to and fro
And so and so, what ho, we made a rotten show
So that was why we went to Rotten Row
At last the gee-gee stopped a bit and, looking over there
Saw a beautiful girl with any amount of carrotty hair
He rushed up behind, before I knew what he had done
He had chewed a great big mouthful of the lady's bun.

I had to get off the gee-gee's back
The lady with ginger hair was feeling sore
But Lor, she soon began to roar
I tried to get back to my place, but I perspired at ev'ry pore
And something tore, I swore, when I was up once more
For there was I stuck on behind before
I grabbed the bounder by the tail - he dashed away of course
Then the saddle began to slip and it took me under the horse
The crowd gave a cheer - they thought I was having a spree
But I said, when I came out of the infirmary,

Frank Coyne (1875-1906) was born in Derby as Joseph Jones and initially worked as a travelling salesman for a jewelry business. In his teens he was an amateur comedian, but in his early 20s became a professional, taking up stage name of his father, Frank Coyne senior (1854-82) who had also performed in the Halls. Billed as The Realistic Rarity of Rattling Refinement, he was popular in London and toured successfully in South Africa. His most famous songs were this one, Come and have a tiddly at the Fountain and What’s the use of a pair of kilts? Sadly he was more often remembered for the manner of his death – he committed suicide by cutting his throat in the bath and was discovered by his horrified wife.

This is one of two songs sung by Frank Coyne which feature in the repertoire of the Copper Family and may have been heard by Jim Copper when he visited London in the early 1900s. The other is Shift up a little bit farther

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