He was a careful man

HE WAS A CAREFUL MAN

There was a man who boasted that from trouble he could keep;
He always followed out the motto, “Look before you leap.”
He took such strong precaution, that the nation soon began
To own there never was or could be such a careful man.
In June he wore an overcoat to guard against the storm,
And took it off in winter time in case it should turn warm.
 
He was a careful man, he was a careful man.
Where’er he went, ’twas his intent
To be a careful man.

He knew how cabmen will impose if people don’t take care,
By charging them for a mile or two beyond the proper fare.
So not to be defrauded, he instructed his attorney
To have the distance measured e’er he started on a journey.

He never went to dances either in or out of town,
Because by chance one night he slipped and pulled his partner down.
He ne’er would look by any chance a lady in the face,
For fear of misconstruction and a breach of promise case.

He joined a local vestry and attended every week,
But, lest he should break down and fail, he never tried to speak.
He had no fixed opinions, but would not be thought a dunce,
So rather than go wrong by chance, he never voted once.

For banting [dieting] he went in, presuming that he might get stout.
He had his bed made on the floor—he dreaded falling out.
He seldom knew the time—it may appear a silly thing,
But he never would wind up his watch in case he broke the spring. 

It may appear absurd, but his sobriety was such
He never took a glass of wine in case he took too much.
And water he would never touch because he heard it stated
That water very often is so much adulterated.

He kept a man to think for him and so preserve his brain;
He mackintoshed his garden up to keep it from the rain.
Although he paid with pleasure every single debt he had,
He’d not be paid himself in case the money should be bad.