Exchange is no robbery

EXCHANGE IS NO ROBBERY
Written and composed by WH Wallace
Sung by Mark Milton.

T'other day I did drop into a barber's shop'
As I had badly wanted a shave;
I took off my hat, in the chair I sat,
My order I then gave .
Then in came a toff, took a silk hat off,
He wanted a shave, he said;
I walk'd out with a smile, in the toffs new tile,
And left mine there instead.

So I've got his hat, he's got mine -
His was a new one, oh so fine;
Mine was an old one. the worse for wear 
Exchange is no robbery, so I don't care 
[twice]

Last night, I must state, I was out rather late, 
As I'd been to a harmonic club;
I smile when I think how I called for a drink, 
At the closing of the pub.
I called for a beer, and a joint just near,
Drinking wine with a mouth like a shark, 
Was quite put about, when the gas went out,
And we felt for our drinks in the dark.

I got his drink, he got mine—
His was a lemonade and port wine ; 
When he got my beer didn't he swear! 
Exchange is no robbery, so I don't care.
[twice]

Just lately in life, I've been wanting a wife, 
For a good time I've been on the search, 
Till me and a pal both got a gal,
And we named the day for church.
We were both in a funk, very near did a bunk,
On the way to the church to get fixed; 
But the parson was quick in doing the trick,
And somehow we got mixed.

I got his girl, he got mine —
His was an angel, so divine;
Mine was a scorcher to curse and swear — 
Exchange is no robbery, so I don't care.