Category: Folksongs from halls

Down in a lane two men had quarrelled
Over a girl whom they both admired
Brothers in name but foes in feeling
Passion, alas, their hearts had fired
One said “You traitor, you stole her from me
Hence-forth a stranger to England I'll be”
”If we must part” said the other with pain
“Don't part like this, we may ne'er meet again

For old time's sake, don't let our enmity live
For old time's sake, say you'll forget and forgive
Life's too short to quarrel, hearts too precious to break
Shake hands and let us be friends, for old times' sake

Anger prevailed, as foes they parted
Parted as brothers have often done
Jack sailed away to drown his sorrow
And left Tom at home with the bride he'd won
Twelve months after, and then he was left
Left with a babe of its Mother bereft
How like she grew to her, when he revealed
The cause of the quarrel, and how he appealed

Time rolled away, then the brothers one day
Met face to face, and then turned away
But the little peacemaker, their rough hands she grasped
And whispered so softly as their fingers she clasped
“In her sainted name, who looks down from above
My own angel mother you both used to love"

When Missus Brown told hubby, "I just can't stand the heat
Please send me to the country, dear, I know 'twould be a treat"
Next day his wife and fam'ly were seated on a train
And when the train had started, Brownie shouted this refrain:

My wife's gone to the country, hurrah, hurrah!
She thought it best, I need a rest, that's why she went away
She took the children with her, hurrah, hurrah!
I don't care what becomes of me, my wife's gone away

He kept the 'phone a-going, told ev'ryone he knew
"It's Mister Brown, come on downtown, I have some news for you"
He told a friend reporter just why he felt so gay
Next day an advertisement in the papers read this way:

My wife's gone to the country, hurrah, hurrah!
She thought it best, I need a rest, that's why she went away
She took the children with her, hurrah, hurrah!
I don't care what becomes of me, my wife's gone away

He sang his joyful story into a phonograph
He made a dozen records and I say it was to laugh
For when his friends had vanished and Brown was all alone
His neighbors heard the same old tune on Brownie's graphophone

My wife's gone to the country, hurrah, hurrah!
She thought it best, I need the rest, that's why she went away
She took the children with her, hurrah, hurrah!
Like Eva Tanguay, I don't care, my wife's gone away

He went into the parlor and tore down from the wall
A sign that read "God Bless Our Home" and threw it in the hall
Another sign he painted and hung it up instead
Next day the servant nearly fainted when these words she read:

My wife's gone to the country, hurrah, hurrah!
She thought it best, I need the rest, that's why she went away
She took the children with her, hurrah, hurrah!
Now I'm with you if you're with me, my wife's gone away

He called on pretty Molly, a girl he used to know
The servant said "She left the house about an hour ago
But if you leave your name, sir, or write a little note
I'll give it to her when she comes" and this is what he wrote:

My wife's gone to the country, hurrah, hurrah!
She thought it best, I need the rest, that's why she went away
She took the children with her, hurrah, hurrah!
I love my wife, but oh! you kid, my wife's gone away

He went and bought a parrot, a very clever bird
The kind that always would repeat most anything she heard
So when his voice grew husky and Brownie couldn't talk
While he'd be taking cough-drops, he would have the parrot squawk:

My wife's gone to the country, hurrah, hurrah!
She thought it best, I need the rest, that's why she went away
She took the children with her, hurrah, hurrah!
I knew my book, she left the cook, my wife's gone away

When people go to the Isle of Man,
They must sing an Isle of Man song,
At least so I've heard; so I thought I'd look out,
And find a new subject to write one about.
This morning, I saw a Manx Cat on a wall:
I thought to myself "This'll do!"
So I wrote a chorus about a Manx cat,
And I mean to try to you

Manx Cat, Manx Cat,
Why have you got no tail?
You seem all wrong,
With nothing behind you to steer you along.
Manx Cat. Manx Cat.
Something you seem to lack
Without your tail, we really can't tell
If you're going or coming back!

There's something sad about poor Manx Cats
They've got to be like that for life,
We've all seen false hair and false teeth up for sale,
But no one has invented as yet a false tail
You've heard of the Manx man of course with three legs
I don't know if that's only bluff,
But still it's not fair to give Manx men to much,
While Manx Cats have not got enough!

Sergeant Brown came up to town, with several new recruits;
They one and all were pals.These territorials,
"I learned some tricks in India" said he, "You bet that's true!
And I also learnt some wrinkles, at Aldershot too
I know a place where the girls are simply fine;
So if you want a barrel of fun, now just fall into line

Follow the sergeant, follow the sergeant!
I've been there before many a time.
Eyes right! Lots of fun in store.
Eyes left! As you were before!
When you're in khaki, merry and larky,
You're a military man in all your prime.
Who is it gets you into trouble and gets you out again?
Why the good old sergeant, ev'ry time!

What a noise when all the boys got to a music hall
To see a smart revue, The beauty chorus too.
A girl sang: "I should like to kiss a soldier boy tonight!"
And the sergeant said, "Lads this is a bit of all right!"
As on the stage he hopped up like a bird. 
"She wants to kiss a soldier tonight – we'll take her at her word"

Home again through pouring rain, went Sergeant Brown and squad
When nearing his street door, there Missis Brown he saw
The danger light in wifie's eyes shone halfway down the street;
So he boldly said, "Boys, right about turn and retreat!
Oh! What a night!" Said Sergeant Brown "By Gosh!"
As he went sliding over the road in all the slippery slosh

Sammy Simpson ev'ry morning used to ride
To the city in the tram and by his side
Sat a little lady who would blush so red...
Ev'ry time he smiled but not a word was said...
Rosa was the name upon her brooch, that's so
And Sammy sighed "This girlie I should like to know"

Ev'ry morning I meet Rosa,
Riding on the tramway car
Smile a loving smile which shows her
Just how things are.
Though I'd like to speak to Rosa,
Silent I must be.
For nobody who I know knows her,
To introduce her to me.

Riding home at even-time that lovelorn boy
Watch'd for her to board the tram and thrill'd with joy
When the car was crowded she forgot her pride
And would seem to nestle closer to his side
If she saw her standing then the spoony chap
Would offer her his seat and wish it was his lap

Sammy now quite happy says he's free from care,
Once she forgot her purse he paid for her fare;
"Take my card" she whispered in a grateful way
"Call and I'll repay you" so he call'd next-day
Popped the question quickly, "Now she's mine" says Sam
"We had a silent courtship in the dear old tram"

I'm so fond of what I like,
And what I like, I like it
Some like this, and some like that
Some like lean, and some like fat
Some like pudding, some like pie
With which to fill their phiz
But there's one thing I like best
I'll tell you what it is

Oh I do like s'nice s'mince s'pie
Oh I do like s'nice s'mince s'pie
Don't like lamb, ham or jam
And I don't like roly-poly
But when I see a s'nice s'mince s'pie
Then I ask for a helping twice
For I do like a s'nice s'mince s'pie
'Cos it's s'nice, s'nice, s'nice

I've a sweetheart all my own,
There's no one else would have her
Her face I've not tasted yet
It's so slobbery and so wet
We sat in the Park, last night
She nudged my arm and sighed
'What do you like the best of all?'
I grinned, and then replied


Once I went to Parliament
I'd been sent there to dust it
Found a meeting on inside
One young member loudly cried
'Matters we'll no longer mince
Our country must be led
We can't mince matters' I said 'No
Lets all mince pies instead'

From the Weekly Dispatch, which published a song a week between 1903 and 1917: 

A woman is a creature who can do a lot of things
Things that a man can't do
Every time I see a woman, to my mind it always brings
Things that a man can't do
A parrot talks a little, but a man can talk a lot
A woman can talk until she drives you off your dot
Fellows think they get the best of women but they don't,
To make a woman do a thing when she says she won't

That's what a man can't do, do, do, do
That's what a man can't do
When you see the parson on your wedding day,
He says you must get your wife to honour and obey
That's all right for him to say - but -
That's what a man can't do, do, do, do
That's what a man can't do

A woman does a lot of things for matrimonial bliss,
Things that a man can't do
She can square the tallyman by giving him a kiss,
That's what a man can't do
When the kids begin to cry it makes the father wild
He gets the feeding bottle tries to pacify the child
The woman picks the baby up, but doesn't stop to think,
She knows exactly what to do when baby wants a drink

That's what a man can't do, do, do, do
That's what a man can't do
Woman with a figure and a lovely face
As an artist's  model she can always get a place
Pose as Venus full of grace
That's what a man can't do, do, do, do
That's what a man can't do

A woman she can do her golden hair up in a bun
That's what a man can't do
A woman can declare that she's the mother of a son
That's what a man can't do
A woman is very smart when there's a mystery about
She'll try to keep a secret, but she can't she lets it out
She can tell you what's inside a sack of coal 
But cannot tell you what's inside a penny sausage roll

That's what a man can't do, do, do, do
That's what a man can't do
He can do a lot of funny things I'm sure
Stop a parrot talking if he throws it to the floor 
But to stop a woman's jaw - 
That's what a man can't do, do, do, do
That's what a man can't do

To stop a woman going down your pocket for your purse
That's what a man can't do
A woman can always get a job as monthly nurse
That's what a man can't do
Always let the woman do the shopping if you can,
She can do it cheaper than the silly little man
A woman's only got to show a little bit of lace,
To make a lot of Johnnies follow her about the place.

That's what a man can't do, do, do, do
That's what a man can't do
A fellow goes to work he is the poor old Jay
Goes without breakfast he hasn't time to stay 
His wife lies in bed all day - 
That's what a man can't do, do, do, do
That's what a man can't do

Across the broad Atlantic, in Canada's domain,
A colonist was working for the lass he longed to gain.
Inside his little cabin, he pictured day by day
The image of his sweetheart, with longing he would say:

Won't you come, come, come to me in Canada
In Canada, in Canada?
Won't you come, come, come to me in Canada
Far away across the foam?
With the church bells ringing on our wedding day
We'll drive away upon the sleigh,
So if you'll be my wife, we'll be happy for life
In my cosy Canadian home 

The girl at home was waiting to be his cherished wife
To share his little cabin, and to cling to him through life 
She knew that he would claim her when with fortune he was blessed 
And often she would fancy he was calling from the West: 

The columnist succeeded, the lass became his own 
And now the little cabin to a larger one has grown 
And as they sit together, beneath the maple tree 
He tells how he called her long ago across the sea: 

From original sheet music:

Oh the moon is all agleam on the stream
Where I dream here of you my pretty Indian maid.
While the rustling leaves are singing high above us overhead
In the glory of the bright summer night
In light of the shadows of the forest glade
I am waiting here to kiss your lips so red.
There's a flood of melodies on the breeze
From the trees and of you they breathe so tenderly
While the woodlands all around are resounding your name,
Oh my all in life is you only you
Fond and true and your own forevermore I'll be.
Hear then the song I sing with lips aflame.

I am your own your Hiawatha brave
My heart is yours, you know
Dear one I love you so
Oh Minnehaha gentle maid decide 
Decide and you'll be,
My Indian bride.

In the tresses of your hair, lies a snare and it's there
Where my heart a willing captive is.
Oh my woodland queen I pray you'll hold it ever in your care
In my little birch canoe love with you
Just we two down the stream of life in wedded bliss
I would drift sweetheart with you my lot to share.
When the birds upon the wing in the spring
Gaily sing of the green and golden summer time
When the snows of early winter robe the woodlands in white,
Then your Hiawatha free I will be
And to thee ev'ry thought of mine will o'er incline.
Heed then the vows I pledge to thee this night.

The refrain quoted in 1894:
Strolling round the town.
Knocking people down,
Tasting every kind of wet,
Having a rare old time you bet, 
Mashing all the girls,
Having a row or two
We're the rare old, fair old, Rickety Rackety Crew.

From the 1893 Sheet Music in the British Library
A birthday comes but once a year
Then its everyone's delight to keep it up_ To keep it up 
We start it getting down the wet and finish with a fight,
And then there's always half a dozen run in for the night.
It was just the same boys yesterday with me,
Twas my birthday you know, and how the wine did flow;
We all got jolly then full of devilment.
We left our darling wives at home, then arm in arm we went... 

Strolling round the town, rolling up and down,
Tasting every kind of wet, having a fine old night you bet, 
Treating all the Boys, we didn't care a sou,
A fair old,rare old, rickety rackety Crew.

We started drinking champagne, 
But the money wouldn't last to keep it up_ To keep it up
The fifty bob I started with was withering too fast,
And just as I was counting up, two charming ladies passed.
They called me Charley (that's not my proper name)
But still I gave a wink, then shouted have a drink,
They both said yes and soon "full up" they got,
We made them both as bad as us, then all the blessed lot... 

At three this morn we all were leaning 
Up against a wall to keep it up_ To keep it up.
Surrounded by a dozen police who'd come at "Duty's" call,
And when they shouted "Move on", Straight, we couldn't move at all.
From every station round about the town,
An ambulance was fetched, then on them we were stretched.
Before his nibbs next morning we were sent
Who fined us forty bob a piece just because we went...