Bulls won’t bellow, The

The cows won't milk and the bulls won't roar (Jolly Little Lewis version)
Written and composed by WH Phillips. Sung with immense success by Jolly Little Lewis, the Great Comedian and Clown
Frank Kidson Collection: Broadsheet at VWML

Once I was as happy as the birds upon the tree, 
And as lively as the tiny fish that swim beneath the sea; 
I could sing a jolly little song, and dance right merrily, 
Yes, and work like a Turk in the dairy! 
But now the time has gone and I am left forlorn,
For Father and Mother turn’d contrary; 
And they sent away the Girl, that they knew I loved so well
My dear rosy cheek'd little Mary. 

The Cows won't milk, and the Bulls won't roar; 
The Cocks won't crow, and the Pigs won't snore; 
The Ducks won't quack, and the Hens won't lay, 
And  I’ve gone crack'd since Mary went away

Now Mary you would like to know, work'd at our little farm,
And around me like an angel there, by gum, she placed a charm: 
We would  ramble down the country lanes while walking arm in arm, 
And she'd  trip by my side like a fairy 
Yes all the way along she'd twit a funny song
I often took her for our pet canary, 
And her voice would sound as strong, as a wheel without grease on
And the Cows they would chorus with Mary. 

Now since my Mary's gone away, I don't mind telling you 
I don't know what I talk a -bout, and don't know what I do: 
And the people say I'm off my chump, by gum I think it true 
For in my head I don't feel gradely; 
For of her I dream all night, and wake up in a fright, 
And commence to cry just like a little baby: 
The pillow then I squeeze, for it seems to give me ease, 
And I kiss it and fancy it’s Mary 

The bulls won't bellow (Sam Torr's version)
From reproduction of the Howard and Co (1880?) sheet music in Garratt 60 years, "Written and composed by T Hanley"
 
I used to be as happy as the little birds above
As lively as the little lambs at play
But now I'm broken hearted for I've lost the girl I love
With a swell from town she's lately gone away
We worked upon one farm, and my spirits she would charm
When she would chant a very pretty song
But ever since the day that my false love went away
The farm, and all upon it, has gone wrong.

The bulls won't bellow and the cows won't low
The hens won't cackle, and cocks won't crow
The turkeys won't gobble, and the ducks won't quack
And never, never will do till my Jane comes back.

There's something wrong with everything since Jane has gone away
And I'm doing nothing else but fret
The cat with her back to the fire sits on the hearth all day
And the poor old sheep-dog's nose is never wet
The pigs won't curl their tails; the ducks won't eat the snails
The gander now won't come home to be fed
And the poor old billy-goat has a big lump in his throat
And a hogshead full of tears the sow has shed.

The hens have got the whooping cough, and will not leave their coop
The canary is in the moult and will not eat
The donkey's got bronchitis, and the tomcat's got the croup
The geese have all got chilblains in their feet
The ferrets and the weasels are all down with the measles
And the wool is coming off the sheep
The bull has got the tic, and the cow her calf won't lick
And the horses have the nightmare when they sleep.

To see the weeping willows, they all seem full of grief
They seem to moan and shake their heads like me
There's a sympathising look on every cabbage leaf
And a nod of pity, too, from every tree
At night I dream of Jane, that she's come back again
And I'm whistling as I used to do
But when I awake, how I shiver and I shake
When I find my dreams of pleasure are not true.

Two very similar songs, both describing the deleterious effect of unhappy romance on farming livestock, were sung in the 1880s. (The words have parallels as you can see above, to me the music of the chorus at least seems very similar…)

George ‘Jolly Little’ Lewis (18??-93) was a Music Hall manager and comedian, active between the mid-1860s and his death in 1893 . He came from a Music Hall family – his brother performed under the name Little Levite, and his wife Julia Bullen was a serio-comic. He sang his version of the song with the title The cows won’t milk and the bulls won’t roar:

As far as I can see, Lewis’s version of the song was always credited to WH Phillips, as in this notice in The Era:

Sam Torr sang his version under the title The bulls won’t bellow or When my Jane comes back. The sheet music and various other sources credit it as being written and composed by T Hanley:

In 1877 T Hanley was also credited with writing Oh Jo “a new comic song” for Sam Torr ( The Era, Oct 28). Michael Kilgariff, the great archivist of the halls suggests this is Ted Hanley (1868-1927), a writer and comedian who according to Era reports first appeared on stage in 1895. I would suggest he was probably too young to have written the song in the late 1870s. Far more likely to be Tom Hanley, a writer/performer from Sheffield who later appeared at least once at the Leicester Music Hall managed by Sam Torr. Tom Hanley was sometimes billed as a ” Yorkshire dialect reciter”:

Its not clear how two performers, both of whom at various times threatened court action against anyone who would steal their songs, ended up singing such similar pieces. It’s likely that they did know of each other, as they were managed by the same theatrical agent HJ Didcot.

A song collected from several traditional singers in the second half of the 20th century…