I’ve never wronged an onion : Why should it make me cry?

I’ve seldom hurt a single thing or person in my life
‘Cept people that don’t matter like the landlord and the wife
And now I’m puzzled and my heart is breaking you can see
Perhaps you can give me comfort, this is what has saddened me -

I’ve never wronged an onion, I hope I never shall
I’ve never wronged an onion, I treat it as a pal!
Tell me!! Tell me!! Tell me – why
I’ve never wronged an onion, Why should it make me cry?

Some trusting hearts of cabbages I’ve broken, I will own
I’ve torn a lettuce limb from limb, no mercy have I shown!
I’ve poked potatoes eyes out and no single tear I’ve shed
And though the blood of many beetroots is upon my head - 

[SPOKEN} I'd like to hear all the ladies and gentlemen artichokes singing this chorus.
There's nothing hard about it; you just have to guess whether it's "animal" "vegetable" or "mineral" - it's "vegetable" of course and I'm sure the onion is a subject which should appeal strongly to everybody.
The plumber will sing it as of his “leaks". All the "old beans" will warble it, The gardeners will croon it as a lullaby over the "asparagus beds" to sing the asparagus to sleep, and mother will sing it on a summer's evening when she goes into the garden and sits amongst the Cabbages and Peas. Now handkerchiefs forward and let it go. Remember the more you cry the better the chorus will sound -

A song written by William Hargreaves and Stanley J Damerell a big hit in the Halls and pantomimes of the mid 1920s. It was initially sung by George Bass in Nov 1925. Within a month Ernie Mayne was singing it and it was widely performed in pantomime in the 1925/1926season.

Not to be confused with the American song from the 1950s: I never harmed an onion by Lanny Grey, Moe Jaffe, and Ginger Grey: first recorded by Steve Allen and His Orchestra (1956). That song is based on the same joke but has substantially different lyrics and music. It starts:

I’ll admit I’ve split bananas,
Took Easter eggs and made them dye,
But I never harmed an onion,
So why should they make me cry?

You can hear versions of the American song on YouTube by Steve Allan and Rowlff of The Muppets

The British song usually ended with some spoken patter and a final chorus. You can find examples above (from the sheet music) and in the Youtube recordings below. It’s interesting that the sheet music patter manages to include the famous one-liner – She sits among the cabbages and peas – often erroneously attributed to Mary Lloyd ….

Ernie Maine sings it with his own patter with the audience at the end:

A contemporary recording from Harry Day:

A modern version by Russ Chandler:

A recording or download of this song can be purchased from Windyridge CDs.

Sources:

• Entries in the Roud Indexes at the Vaughn Williams Memorial Library: https://archives.vwml.org/search/all:single[folksong-broadside-books]/0_50/all/score_desc/extended-roudNo_tr%3A13329

• Mudcat Thread
• Kilgarrif Sing Us
• Lyrics and sheet music: The 9th Lawrence Wright song and dance album (personal collection)
• Another 1920s recording by Fred Gibson archive.com

Last Updated on December 15, 2025 by John Baxter | Published: July 8, 2025