{"id":15452,"date":"2022-03-30T08:58:33","date_gmt":"2022-03-30T08:58:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/folksongandmusichall.com\/?page_id=15452"},"modified":"2024-03-14T10:39:54","modified_gmt":"2024-03-14T10:39:54","slug":"they-cant-diddle-me","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/folksongandmusichall.com\/index.php\/they-cant-diddle-me\/","title":{"rendered":"They can’t diddle me"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
AKA<\/strong><\/td>You can’t diddle me<\/td><\/tr>
First Published<\/td>1905<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

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Writer\/composer<\/td>TW Connor<\/td>Roud<\/strong><\/td>RN38092<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

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Music Hall Performers<\/strong><\/td>Dan Crawley<\/td><\/tr>
Folk performances<\/strong><\/td>Collected from the singing of:<\/strong>
Jones, Frank; Birmingham, England; 1984<\/strong><\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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They can't diddle me<\/strong>!\nWritten and composed by TW Connor. Sung by Dan Crawley.\nMusic at Francis Day and Hunters, 142 Charing Cross Rd, London\n\nI took my missus for a walk,\nWe met a friend of mine; \nHe took us in a public house,\nAnd \"treated\" us to wine. \nWhen he call'd my old gal outside,\nI thought \"He must be drunk!\"\nTen minute's after. I look'd out,\nAnd found they'd done a bunk\n\nBut they can't 'diddle' me \u2014 oh,no!\nThey can't 'diddle' me!\nIf they take me for 'mug'\nI let 'em see!\nWhen he thought the coast was clear,\nHe bunked off with my old dear;\nBut I went back and drank his beer!\nThey can't 'diddle' me!<\/em>\n\nWe've got a lodger in our house,\nWho ought to be in gaol!\nHe went and pawned my Sunday 'bags'\nTo drown himself in ale\nHe thought I'd be afraid to speak,\nBut I soon let him see!\nFor half-a-crown I made him sell\nThe pawnticket to me!\n\nBut they can't 'diddle' me \u2014 oh,no!\nThey can't 'diddle' me!\nIf they take me for 'mug'\nI let 'em see!<\/em>\nHe put my bags 'up the spout',\nSpent the money on beer and stout, \nBut I've got the ticket to get them out!<\/em>\nThey can't 'diddle' me!<\/em>\n\nI don't object to tallymen\nIn their place they're all right!\nBut I went home the other day\nAnd saw an awful sight. \nFor there was Mr. Tallyman\nAs cosy as could be,\nIn my arm-chair with my dear wife\nA-sitting on his knee\n\nBut they can't 'diddle' me \u2014 oh,no!\nThey can't 'diddle' me!\nIf they take me for 'mug'\nI let 'em see!<\/em>\nI heard her say, \"Oh, dear! oh, lor'!\nYou make me love you more more.\"\nThen I walked out and slammed the door!<\/em>\nThey can't 'diddle' me!<\/em>\n\nI went to a bookmaker once,\nAnd backed a certain horse;\nIt won by nearly half-a-mile\nWhich suited me, of course,\nA hundred pounds I had to draw\nBut when to him I went \nThe 'bookie' told me he was 'broke'\nAnd couldn't pay his rent.\n\nBut they can't 'diddle' me \u2014 oh,no!\nThey can't 'diddle' me!\nIf they take me for 'mug'\nI let 'em see!<\/em>\nHe was on the 'do, do, do'\nThat's fourteen years a it's true\nBut I have still got his IOU\nThey can't 'diddle' me!<\/em>\n\n<\/pre>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
Another song from the Halls of the early 20th century that was remembered by traditional singers in the later part of that century. The original was written by the prolific TW Connor<\/a> and featured in the repertoire of Dan Crawley whose brief biography appears below.  In 1906 The Gaumont  British Picture Corporation<\/em> produced a short film of Crawley singing the song – this doesn’t appear to be available anywhere online, but if you know different, do get in touch! A 1920s recording by Walter Miller is shown in the YouTube clip below\u2026 <\/p>\n\n\n\n
A snatch of it was was collected by Roy Palmer from the singing of Frank Jones and can be heard in the British Library Sound Archive.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not to be confused with a song popular in the halls 30 years earlier, often called You<\/span> can’t diddle me<\/em> but initially advertised as Then you can reckon on diddling me.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dan Crawley<\/strong> (1872-1912) was a music hall comedian and pantomime dame – hugely successful in the period before World War 1. His real name was Daniel Crowley, he was born in Ireland but moved to London with his parents whilst still a child. By the age of 16 he was appearing in the halls as a dancer, winning many prizes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the latter part of his career he specialised in the comic portrayal of down-at-heel elderly ladies and was sometimes billed as Dame Dan Crawley<\/em>.  He successfully toured Australia in 1903. The author and humourist F Anstey described a typical Crawley performance as “far from refined, but it was sung and danced with a delirious rapture that made it irresistibly funny.”<\/em>  Variety described him as “one of the few remaining specimens of the red nosed, flap shoe, variety of comedians fast becoming extinct”<\/em> (Variety 8\/11\/1912). A successful career was cut short when he died  of tuberculosis at the age of 40.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His grandson Fenton Gray continues the family tradition and performs many of his grandfather songs. Check out his website and more extensive biography of Crawley at fentongray.com<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Other songs from the repertoire of Dan Crawley that were remembered by traditional singers include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n