{"id":11255,"date":"2021-06-10T14:30:29","date_gmt":"2021-06-10T14:30:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/folksongandmusichall.com\/?page_id=11255"},"modified":"2021-11-24T09:44:12","modified_gmt":"2021-11-24T09:44:12","slug":"them-three-acres-of-land-and-a-cow","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/folksongandmusichall.com\/index.php\/them-three-acres-of-land-and-a-cow\/","title":{"rendered":"Them three acres of land and a cow"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
AKA<\/strong><\/td>I baint quite a chump!
Three acres and a cow<\/td><\/tr>
First Published<\/td>1885<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

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Writer\/composer<\/td> Oswald Allen \/ Alfred Lee<\/td>Roud<\/strong><\/td>RNnone<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Music Hall Performers<\/strong><\/td>Harry Liston<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
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THREE ACRES AND A COW (As sung by Harry Liston)\n\n[Sheet music was not accessible at time of writing, this is a version published in Welsh Newspaper, The Weekly Mail<\/a><\/em> 5 March 1887 <\/em>]\n\n\nMy name's Tommy Turnip, I works on a farm, \nAt the plough and frightening the rooks. \nThey say I be saft, yit it does I no harm, \nFor I baint sich a vool as I looks. \nThey've give I a vote, and the gents spake so vine \nThat I scarce hunderstand them, I vow \nFor they talk sich saft soap of the fortune that's mine, \nIn \"Three Acres o' Land and a Cow.\" \n\nSPOKEN: Some saye them Ridicules be the peasants, friends, and if we only vote for him we shall have this here three acres o' land and a cow, and drink beer and play skittles, and have no work to do. When they wants I to swaller it I answers, \"He, he, he! Believe Brummagem stuff? Not for Joe!\" \n\nThey says, \"Sing, mate, your vortune you'll make \nWi' three acres o' land and a cow.\" <\/em>\nBut it gives I the hump, for I baint such a chump <\/em>\nAs to swaller their gammon jist now. <\/em>\n\nI baint a great scholard, but, still, I can see \nAs far through a milestone as some, \nAnd these here big promises seems, friends, to be \nA regular \"do\" and a \"hum\"\nTo give I three acres they'd first rob the squire. \nAnd the squire aint bad, I'll allow:\nSo that is a game up agen which I'd fire. \nThough it means land to us and a cow. \n\nSPOKEN: He, he, he! They must think I be a chump! Why, if they take all the land and cows from the squire to give to I and my mates, what should I do for my wages and beer-money,and sew on, etc, look you. Shan't aye it at any price. I baint sich a chump as thees think. \n\nCHORUS\n\nSo I makes up my mind no attention to pay \nTo the rubbish they tells I at home; \nIt be all very well, if some jolly vine day, \nThe cow and three acres sha1l come. \nBut till that comes off on my way I'll jog, \nEarn my bread by the sweat o\" my brow, \nAnd at harvest time drink the squire's health in grog, \nAnd make game o' them acres and cow. \n\nSPOKEN: Lor', to be sure! What do 'em think anybody is made on? Thay'll be telling us next that thay be gwain to sow the hays wi' grass and braid the cows on hit. He. he. he! \n\nCHORUS<\/pre>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
One of  a number of songs written response to the slogan for land reform adopted by Joseph Chamberlain in the mid-1880s (you will find more about the songs and the issue here<\/a>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In an article written in 1990, Michael Diamond showed that this song, written and composed by Oswald Allen and Alfred Lee, was published in two distinct versions, one mocking Chamberlain and the other praising him. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The version mocking Chamberlain probably came first and was published by Charles Sheard in 1885, sung in the Halls by Harry Liston<\/a>.  Like other  Music Hall songs its response to the demand for  land and livestock was deeply unsympathetic. Like so many other Music Hall songs it invites us to laugh at the stereotype of a rural person.  This extract describes Liston singing the song in late 1885:<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
\"\"
Dec. 19, 1885;  <\/strong>The Era <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
Hodge<\/em> was a term regularly used in the theatres at this time to indicate a yokel, an agricultural labourer of less than average intelligence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here is a description of a perforformance at Derby on Boxing Day 1885:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
MR. LISTON AT THE DRILL HALL. On Boxing Day, the above-named clever and versatile vocalist and comedian attracted two large audiences at the Drill Hall. Mr. Liston’s character delineations are very good, his changes are exceedingly rapid, and sings well. He adds a little ventriloquism and legerdemain to his other qualifications, and with the aid a lady accompanist, carries out a monologue entertainment exceedingly well. His comic song as a mummy was very good, and cleverly done, and his impersonation of country bumpkin overcome with the prospect of “three acres and a cow\u201d most amusing, although his final determination to sell the land for rum, and milk the cow into it, would hardly commend itself to our temperance friends. Mr. Liston gives good evening\u2019s entertainment without any vulgarity, and fully deserves the support receives.<\/p>Derbyshire Advertiser and Journal, Friday 01 January 1886<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Successful songs in the halls were often performed in Christmas pantomimes, and the following description suggests that the song may have been sung in the 1885 Christmas production The Gaiety<\/em>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"\"
 Dec. 28, 1885: <\/strong>The Standard<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
Oswald Allen was best known as a writer of of pantomimes and burlesques, though he also wrote a number of songs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
NB: At the time of writing I have not been able to access the original sheet music for Harry Liston’s version of the song, though extracts published in Michael Diamond’s article seems to confirm that they are broadly the same as the version published in The Weekly Mail<\/em> above. Sheet music for Harry Liston’s version is held in various libraries and is described as having a caricature of Liston on the cover. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/figure>
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The second version of the song probably came later and it’s likely that at some point in the 1880s Allan revised the song, this time respectfully dedicating it to the Right Honorary Joseph Chamberlain MP! At the moment I have only been able to access the sheet music cover (left), but Michael Diamond quotes the chorus as being:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Just think on that my own dear wife
And soothe your careworn brow
Good fortune bring to you and them
Three acres and a cow<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
This version was probably not sung by Liston. The farmer on the cover does not resemble the usual caricatures of Liston used in his publicity (see for example the poster here<\/a>) and no performer is named on the cover.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n
This second version of the song, or at the very least its chorus, has passed into traditional singing. It was sung by Francis Shergold of Bampton Morris and released on the Veteran CD Greeny Up<\/em>. On the recording, made by John Howson in 1987, Shergold says that he remembered from his grandfather singing it \u2013 Shergold was in born in 1919, so his grandfather might well have been alive during the election of 1885. You can hear Shergold singing it at the British library Sound archive here<\/a>. [Also available on streaming services]. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It would be useful to check the sheet music of this second version to see how it compares with the song as sung by Francis Shergold. This is my transcription of the words that Shergold sings:
<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\u2019ve toiled my lads both early and late\nTo earn a few good meals\nWhile Squire and Farmer lived in state\nAnd crushed us \u2018neath their heel\nBut brighter days are coming lass\nTo you and me I\u2019ll vow\nAnd those who took us by the hand\nThree acres and a cow\n\nJust think on that my own dear wife\nAnd soothe your careworn brow\nGood fortune bring to you and them\nThree acres and a cow<\/em>\n\nThe heavy clouds are forming fast\nThough dim the peasant\u2019s lot\nThe bad old days for them are past\nAnd hope shines in our lot\nThere is a vote within this land\nThat we shall too soon have known\nAnd those who took us by the hand\nThree acres and a cow\n\nJust think on that my own dear wife\nAnd soothe your careworn brow\nGood fortune bring to you that sing\nThree acres and a cow<\/em><\/pre>\n\n\n\n
<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
Sources:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n