When it’s night time in Italy it’s Wednesday over here

VERSE 1
A naughty sporty college boy threw all his books away.
Said he, " I've lost my appetite, my hair is turning grey, 
I know my Greek and History, and Latin is a pie,
But if East is East, and West is West, then won't you tell me why.

When it's night time in Italy- it's Wednesday over here? 
Oh! The onions in Sicily make people cry in California. 
Why does a fly? When does a bee ?
How does a wasp sit down to have its tea?
If you talk to an Eskimo, his breath will freeze your ear, 
When it's night time its Italy, it's Wednesday over here.

VERSE 2
This learned durned college boy stood up in class and said, 
"I've looked up my geography and found out Caesar's dead.
The reason I speak Portuguese is I'm some clever guy,
But if Parley Voo means "How are you?" then won't you tell me why 

When it's night time in Italy—it's Wednesday over here?
When it's fish day in Birmingham, in Owdem they eat tripe and trotters, How high is up? I'd like to know,
How low is down, and when shall we have snow?
If it's Christmas in Palestine, we shan't have our New Year 
Till it's night time in Italy and Wednesday over here !


EXTRA CHORUSES
3
When it's night time in Italy - it's Wednesday over here. 
When it's raining in Canada, don't ever try to milk a herring. 
You drive a car — I drive a Ford,
That doesn't prove a sailor is a—board.
If you'll lend me five hundred pounds, I'll pay it back, don't fear, 
When it's night time in Italy, and Wednesday over here!

4.	
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here.
That's the reason old Pussyfoot's got water on the brain department. 
Down with the drink, that's what I say,
Down with the drink, I've DOWNED a few to-day.
By the time that old Pussyfoot makes England dry, I fear 
'Twill be night time in Italy, and Wednesday over here!

5.	
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here.
When all Scotsmen are Irishmen, and English girls are all Welsh rarebits
A. B. C. D., J. K. L. M.	 
Marks may be cheap, so wipe your nose on them.
But we'll get our indemnity from Germany, don't fear—
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here!

6.	
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here.
When it's high tide at Waterloo, you'll mock soup but you can't mock turtle.
Some resterongs, serve lunches quick,	 
You order steak, they bring you up a brick.
You order some ham and eggs, your order will appear—
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here.!

7.	
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here.
When our coals are two bob a ton, and Lyons feed us all for nothing. 
We'll push and go. Go with a punch,
One hour for work, and two hours off for lunch.
We shall never have profiteers, and grub won't be so dear—
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here!

8.	
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here.
When the women in Parliament give over sitting knitting jumpers 
There'll be no peace. There'll be no war.
There'll be no jazz, or plays by Bernard Shaw.
We'll have houses for ev'ryone, and real hops in our beer—
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here!.

9.	
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here.
When it 's raining in Canada, Jack Dempsey never won the Derby, 
Dogs have their barks, so have the trees;
Pork pies are beef, and some are mysteries.
But we'll beat Zev with Papyrus, and Steve we'll stand and cheer, 
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here!

10.	
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here..
When it's Sunday on Saturday, and Boxing Day falls on Good Friday. 
Sailors don't care. Soldiers, beware.
When frogs are toads, and parrots never swear.
Then we'll all pay our Income Tax, and never shed a tear—
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here.

11.	
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here.
When our lemons are oranges, and all the punters turn bookmakers. 
You bet we'll bet. We'll be convinced.
We'll have no fear of ever getting pinched.
And we'll go on our holidays, and dive off Wigan Pier—
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here!

12.	
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here.
When our M. P.'s make promises, they make us laugh just like Tom Webster
We'll win a fight, when we have found	 
One heavyweight, to stick up for a round.
And the landlord won't worry us to pay our rent its clear—
Till it's night time in Italy, and Wednesday over here!

13
When it's night time in Italy — it's Wednesday over here.
When we're all multi-millionaires, we'll have that land that's fit for haloes. 
We'll face the storms. We'll face the gales.
We'll wear a smile, just like our Prince of Wales.
And the brave lads who died for us, their mem'ry we'll revere-
Till it's night time in Italy, and Wednesday over here!