Tickle me Timothy, Do

My old girl's hysterical, and when the fits begin
I have to make her grin - by tickling her under the chin
Shan't forget when courting her, I didn't know the wheeze
And coming home from Brighton once, she shouted 'If you please.'

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
My last train is here' said Lou
I feel like losing it straight I do
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
If you don't make me laugh, I shall swallow the ticket
So tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

On the day I married her, she felt bad all the while
I had to make her smile; I tickled her all up the aisle
But as soon as we were one, she trembled like a leaf
And shouted as she jumped about, just like a Zulu chief

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
The Parson here, he makes me cough,
I feel like pulling his nightshirt off
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
As he mightn't have anything under it, Timothy
Tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

Friday, when I laid in bed, a man came round our way
With paper flags so gay, shouting, 'Rags or old bottles today'
My old girl rushed in the room, and grabbed my pantaloons
A-shouting 'If you don't want paper flags or air-balloons.'

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
I feel I want to swap your bags
For some air-balloons or some paper flags
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
And you'll have with 'me a waggin' in front of you
Tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

On an Easter Monday once I took her to the Zoo
She'd nothing much to do, so started a hul-la-ba-loo
Got inside the monkey's cage, the hairy lah-di-dahs
All rubbed their chins against her face, shouted through the bars.

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
I feel so gay this afternoon, I feel like kissing the big baboon
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
And he isn't like you; he wants shaving all over,
So tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

Martha's rich old uncle Bill, last night in company
He told a tale you see, we all had to giggle with glee
Martha couldn't see the joke; her tears began to flow,
So she flopped down upon my knee, and softly murmured 'Oh

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
I'll have to laugh at uncle Bill, or else get nothing out of his Will
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
If you're after his money, oh, tickle my funny bone,
Tickle me, Timothy, quick!'

Now she's bought some powder and a box of safety pins
And when the fit begins, she's bound to have somebodies twins
Today she saw a bassinette, just outside our abode
She pounced on it and shouted, as the kids fell in the road

Tickle me Timothy, tickle me do, tickle me there's a dear
The babies are a lovely pair, I feel like grabbing 'em I declare
I can't help myself; I'll do it in half a tick
If I'm not to have Mister McGillighan's babies,
Oh tickle me, Timothy, quick!'