Hi Johnny! Who’s your Tailor?

Transcribed from Burt Shepherd and Joe Archer recordings by John Baxter

I'm a funny old chap, it's so - I was born in Borneo
But there's one thing and I know, when out in the street I go
Everybody they look at me, [strike?] me off on the strict QT
It ain't my face no, certainly - there's something wrong you see

With my bob-tail coat and my old top hat
And my little short trousers I know that
I'd like to be a soldier or a sailor
For when I go out all the people shout
Hi Johnny! Who's your tailor?

When I married Miss Mary Brown at a church in Camden Town 
I felt just like a clown, or a king without his crown
I shall never forget that day, before I took my wife away
Seven and six I had to pay, and there I stood so gay ..

With my bob-tail coat and my old top hat
And my little short trousers I know that
I'd like to be a soldier or a sailor
For the parson said as he scratched his head
Hi Johnny! Who's your tailor?

Now it isn't so long ago, I became a father, oh
And I felt so proud you know, that I wanted quick to show
Our first kid to me pals, you see, that's why I took it on my knee
But he woke up very suddenly, and when he gazed at me ...

With my bob-tail coat and my old top hat
And my little short trousers I know that
I'd like to be a soldier or a sailor
For my kid, Great Scott! Shouted on the spot,
Hi Daddy! Who's your tailor?

I was once walking in the zoo, just to pass an hour or two
And I thought I'd like to view, all the monkeys there it's true
So I went straight where the monkeys were, took a bag full of nuts to share
Amongst those monkeys, I declare, but when they saw me there

With my bob-tail coat and my old top hat
And my little short trousers I know that
I'd like to be a soldier or a sailor
For those monkeys cried when my [crepe?] they spied
Hi Johnny! Who's your tailor?