Fair, fat and forty (I like em! I like em!)

Old Uncle Ben, he's been at it again!
Old Uncle Benjamin's a rascal!
Says he: "When I see a little flapper, 
I feel just as though I want to slap her!
Some like the queen who is sweet seventeen,
But I've got no eyes for her.
Although she's young and tender,
Fair and innocent and slender,
She's not the kind that I prefer:

“I like em! I like em when they're fair, fat and forty
When they're fair fat and forty, they are fine!
I like em! I like em! when they're nice and per-lump!
Your giddy little flapper only gives me the hump.
I like em! I like em when they're young enough to cuddle,
And old enough to stay out after nine.
No I don't want two of twenty
One of forty will be plenty
When they're fair, fat and forty they are fine!

“I like em! I like em when they're fair, fat and forty
When they're fair fat and forty, they are fine!
I like em! I like em! when they're nice and per-lump!
Your giddy little flapper only gives me the hump.
I like em! I like em when they're young enough to cuddle,
And old enough to stay out after nine.
No I don't want two of twenty
One of forty will be plenty
When they're fair, fat and forty they are fine!

He will declare, “Though she may have grey hair,
What does it matter if her heart's young?
For lamb I have never been a glutton,
There's more flavour in it when it's mutton.
Give me the fat girl they show at the fair;
Squeezing her I'll show my skill.
If one arm will not go round
That young lady from the show ground
Then damn it sir my two arms will!

“I like em! I like em when they're fair, fat and forty
When they're fair fat and forty, they are fine!
I like em! I like em! when they're nice and per-lump!
Your giddy little flapper only gives me the hump.
I like em! I like em when they're young enough to cuddle,
And old enough to stay out after nine.
When the slender and they're lissom
When you smack at them you miss em
When they're fair, fat and forty they are fine!

“I like em! I like em when they're fair, fat and forty
When they're fair fat and forty, they are fine!
I like em! I like em! when they're nice and per-lump!
Your giddy little flapper only gives me the hump.
I like em! I like em when they're young enough to cuddle,
And old enough to stay out after nine.
Though at sixty they look flighty
In an old red flannel nightie
When they're fair, fat and forty they are fine!


“One girl,” said he, "gave the glad eye to me,
Her age was eighteen last November."
Said Ben, "I would rather kiss your mater
Your turn comes twenty two years later.
Girls they are peaches, but when they are green,
They are no use as an old man's wife.
If any silly duffer
Picks a south peach he'll suffer
With collie wobbles all his life

“I like em! I like em when they're fair, fat and forty
When they're fair fat and forty, they are fine!
I like em! I like em! when they're nice and per-lump!
Your giddy little flapper only gives me the hump.
I like em! I like em when they're young enough to cuddle,
And old enough to stay out after nine.
Though at ninety they're all gristle 
If they try to kiss they whistle
When they're fair, fat and forty they are fine!

“I like em! I like em when they're fair, fat and forty
When they're fair fat and forty, they are fine!
I like em! I like em! when they're nice and per-lump!
Your giddy little flapper only gives me the hump.
I like em! I like em when they're young enough to cuddle,
And old enough to stay out after nine.
Though at ninety they lack fire
Are they puff like Fords that backfire
When they're fair, fat and forty they are fine!