Collected from the singing of: Bentall, Brenda ; England ; 1970
From Music Hall Memories number 14
Dad is now old and having earned his pension
Needed no more his soldier blood run cool
Pleasures he finds his attention
Watching the youngsters in the Chelsea School
Only youngsters learning their vocation
Learning the calling that their fathers chose
Only youngsters tended by the nation
To fight someday Britainnia's foes
Dad loves these boys and why?
'Tis thus he will reply:
"Boys of the Chelsea School
Are the sons of the men we admire
In ev'ry heart in ev'ry vein
Runs the blood of a soldier sireChildren they are, maybe
But wait till a few years fly,
Then as heroes brave, I know they'll behave
As tier fathers did in days gone by."
Oft around his knee they'd gather for a story
Tales of the charge at the Balaclava's height
Once more he lives the ride of Death or Glory,
Ah! 'Twas an error but a glorious fight!
Faces flush while eagerly they listen;
Fingers are twitching though their lips are dumb;
But the fire that in their eyes will glisten
Tells him someday perhaps their chance may come.
Then they will do once more
As he did in Fifty four.
He loves on Sunday morning to go
To church, and hear them sing
Some stirring hymn with a martial theme
A tune with the warlike swing.
He loves to watch their faces as
The preacher to them describes
Some righteous war in days of yore
Fought by the ancient tribes
Those boys in fancy he can see
In days to come at duty's call.
Ready to fight for Britannia's right
Ready to conquer or to fall
Marching shoulder to shoulder
On many a shot-swept plain,
And the muscle and the nerve of bygone days
Will be found in those boys again
[Ends with cornet or bugle call]
To me, a rather unpleasant martial song celebrating the British Empire. It was first performed by Charles Deane at the Greenwich Palace Theatre of Varieties in 1901, but later became more associated with the singing of George Leyton. It was recalled by at least one traditional singer in the 1970s.
Leyton, who in the 1900s toured Music Halls raising money for veterans, performed the song as an elaborate scena, a theatrical term referring to a performance of a scene from an opera usually acted and sung in costume. Leyton would sometimes recruit local schoolboys to supplement his normal company of performers (on at least one occasion this involved boys from the Chelsea School itself.)
Its thought to be the prolific songwriter RP Weston‘s first published song.
Collected from the singing of: Keeping Family ; England : Lambeth ; 1930s-50s Goodchild, James ; England : Hampshire ; 1976 Modern performances
From Music Hall Memories No. 7:
Round me at twilight comes stealing
Shadows of days that are gone.
Dreams of the old days revealing
Mem'ries of love's golden dawn.
Memories, Memories, Dreams of love so true,
O'er the Sea of Memory
I'm drifting back to you
Childhood days, wildwood days,
Among the birds and bees,
You left me alone,
But still you're my own
In my beautiful memories.
Sunlight may teach me forgetting,
Noonlight brings thoughts that are new,
Twilight brings sighs and regretting
Moonlight means sweet dreams of you.
A sentimental song from the 1910s/20s written and composed by Gus Kahn and Egbert Van Alstyne, songwriters associated with America’s Tin Pan Alley. It was popularised in the British Halls by The Versatile Three a group of three (sometimes four) African-American performers who specialised in close harmony singing and ragtime material.
The song was popular on both sides of the Atlantic , and in the US it was recorded by The Leake County Revelers in 1929.
In the second half of the 20th century it was recorded by amongst others being Crosby, Pat Boone, Mario Lanza and Mitch Miller.
Collected from the singing of: Legg, Viv; England : Cornwall; c2006
Mary Ann Matilda came to London town to see
A chap named Charlie Green, who for years she hadn't seen.
When she found he had grown a small moustache, she murmured "Oh!"
He asked her if she liked it, and Matilda shouted "No!"
Oh, Charlie take it away. Oh, Charlie, take it away.
It makes me feel so funny every time you start to kiss.
It makes me quiver, it makes me shiver,
It fills me full with bliss.
Oh, Charlie take it away! Oh, Charlie do what I say!
It's the little bit of hair you wear upon your upper lip.
It tickles me, Charlie! Take it away!
She asked him why he grew it, he replied, "Matilda dear,
I couldn't help it quite, for it sprung up in the night -
It might make you remember me" and Mary with a blush,
Replied "I'll think of you each time I see a scrubbing brush!"
Said Mary: "If that was in your system Charlie dear
There's not the slightest doubt, its a blessing you got them out!"
He tried to pacify her then, he kissed her rosy cheek
She shouted out: "You've stung me and I'll feel the sting for weeks!"
A comic song performed by traditional Romany singer Viv Legg as Mary Ann Matilda for collector John Adams in approximately 2006. The recording is available on VT153CD Romany Roots: ‘Cornish Family songs’ a CD/download from Veteran Mail Order.
The original song was written some 80 years earlier as a comedy march two-step and performed in the dance halls and music halls of the late 1920s.
The song was most associated with the singing of Florrie Forde , but it was also recorded by Harry Fay, Tom Gilbert and Paul Godwin’s Dance Orchestra, amongst others.
Collected from the singing of: Kane, Alice; Ulster; no date
GINGER, YOU'RE BALMY
from "Music Hall Memories No 2"
I’m always in the fashion, I’m a noted chap for that
So lately I’ve been walking about the streets without a hat
I do without a cady and it saves me half a quid
I’m like a blooming saucepan on the fire without a lid
I go you know strolling round the town
And wag my little cane about
Girls they all say “Old Ginger’s on the mash”
Then dig me in the ribs and loudly shout
“Don’t walk about without your cady on, Ginger you’re balmy!
Get your hair cut” they all begin to cry
“With nothing on your napper, oh, you are a pie
Pies must have a little bit of crust
Why don’t you join the army?
If you want to look a don you want a bit of something on
Ginger you’re balmy
One day I went into the Zoo with such a smiling face
But oh! there was a hullabaloo when I got in the place
The keeper started chasing me, though I was in a rage
They put a chain around my neck and bunged me in a cage
I cried, “I’m not a monkey, on my word”
Then I had to buy them all some beer
When they let me out they told me this
“If you want to keep away from here”
My missus took me in a pub, the guv’nor, Mister Hogg
He stroked my head, then gave me a cake, he took me for a dog
A p’liceman stopped the traffic, shouted out with all his might
“Look out! here comes the North Pole with the top part all alight”
My wife said, “Your napper’s like a sieve
It’s full of little holes I bet
When it rains ’twill let the water in
And then your feet will both of ’em get wet”
Another early 20th century hit for Harry Champion written and composed for him by Fred Murray. The song was popular with troops in World War I – and apparently evolved into an annoying ditty often shouted at someone not wearing a hat:
Ginger, you’re barmy, You’ll never join the Army, You’ll never be a scout, With your shirt hanging out, Ginger, you’re barmy.
David Lodge used Ginger, you’re barmy as the title for his comic novel about National Service.
The Harry Champion song was recalled by Alice Kane in her Songs and Sayings of an Ulster Childhood (1993)
Collected from the singing of: Renals, Charlotte; England : 1978 Ellis, Cis; England : Suffolk : c1960
My old woman was as weak as any rat,
Never shook a tablecloth and never beat a mat.
If she had a little drop to keep her on her feet,
Hadn't strength to water it, so always had it neat.
One day our lodger went and said to her that standard bread is nice.
It'll make you strong as Sandow if you only had one slice.
She had once slice and, dear oh lor! Her strength she hardly knew.
The threw the lodger down the stairs, pushed me up the flue.
Bread! Bread! Bread! Standard bread!
"I'm going to do the washing," the old girl said.
Like a lion she began to scrub,
Pushed my shirt though the bottom of the tub.
Six months washing it was done in half a jif, and when she came to bed,
In her arms she had the copper,
The mangle and the chopper,
And a little bit of standard bread.
We kept a fowl and our lot was very hard.
Hadn't got a single feather on her Scotland Yard.
When the wind was blowing hard, she couldn't do her craft.
Had to put a curtain up to keep away the draft.
She spied her match, a cock-a-doodle doo next door named Chanticleer.
He said, "Pop off! I'm busy. You are far too bald old dear."
She found some standard bread one day, and as she ... with shame,
She'd hardly got it down her neck when out her feathers came.
Bread! Bread! Bread! Standard bread!
She grew a feather duster on her old bald head.
Ostrich plumes on her "I suppose"
Ladies' stickers on her parson's nose.
She got married to the cock-a-doodle-doo. It's a fact, now they are wed.
They're a-cooing and a-billing,
And it's twenty for a shilling
Through a little bit of standard bread.
Our greasy cook was a-screaming down the house.
Standing on the dresser, she was shouting, "There's a mouse!"
The animal skedaddled. When he took his flight,
Saw her fancy garters and couldn't bear the sight.
I went and got a bit of standard bread and set it in the trap,
And after waiting fourteen hours, I caught that little chap.
The mouse had ate up all the bread. His muscles grew and grew,
And when he saw our old tomcat, you'd hardly think it's true.
Bread! Bread! Bread! Standard bread!
The mouse he went and jumped upon the old cat's head.
Lifted up one massive paw,
Caught poor Tommy such a wonder on the jaw.
They got wrestling together on the mat,
And the poor cat dropped down dead.
The mouse, lord lumme,
Got a pussy in his tummy
And a little bit of standard bread.
In the late 19th and early 20th century there were concerns that new industrial methods were producing nutritionally inferior white bread. In 1909 a campaign was launched for a new “Standard Bread” which would meet defined nutritional standards. The campaign was backed by the Daily Mail and by the end of 1911 campaigners were confident enough to announce “the triumph of Standard Bread”.
Collected from the singing of: Tanner, Phil ; Wales : Glamorganshire : Gower 1937 Phillips, Mrs. M. ; England : Surrey : Whyteleafe 1952 Tritton, Duke / Carlin, Jame (tune) Australia : New South Wales ; 1955 Pardon, Walter England : Norfolk : Knapton 1978 Modern performances Tony Rose, Roy Harris
THE PARSON AND THE CLERK
Sung with immense success by GH MacDermott. Written and composed by Geoffrey Thorn.(Charles Townley)
A parson preach'd to his flock one day
On the sins of the human race
And the clerk aloud 'Amen' did say With the solemnest tones and face;
But that pious clerk on the quiet though
Would venture a bit of remark,
'All sin is sweet', said the parson,
'Then I'm for sin', said the clerk,
'Amen. Yes, sin is for me', said the clerk.
Chorus: Amen.
'Oh never covet thy neighbour's goods',
So the parson said, 'nor his maid.
For to rob a man of all that's his
Why a fellow should be afraid;
And, oh covet ye not, thou man of sin,
I pray you this matter to mark,
Thy neighbour's wife', said the parson.
'The maid for me', said the clerk, 'Amen.
The slavey for me', said the clerk.
'As Christian men', said the parson, 'you
Should ever be humble and meek,
And you should not strike a sinful man
When he landeth you on the cheek;
Nay, turn my friends to that erring one,
Yea, turn to that sinner so dark,
The other cheek', said the parson.
'I'd break his nose', said the clerk. 'Amen.
Land him at once,' said the clerk.
'Oh never sigh for that dross call'd gold,
For it's blest is the man that's poor,
You never should seek the fishes, my friends,
And should cast ye the loaves from the door,
Oh I grieve to think it's my fate to drive
A carriage and pair in the park,
With a thousand a year', said the parson.
'Then give it to me', said the clerk, 'Amen.
No pride about me', said the clerk.
'The girls are awfully frivolous',
The parson he said with a groan,
And the boys, too, of the Sunday school
Won't let the young hussies alone;
I have watched them grin behind their books,
And I've seen those boys for a lark,
Kissing the girls', said the parson.
'I've done it myself', said the clerk. 'Amen.
They're fond of it, too,' said the clerk.
'And now my sermon, friends, is done,
And I bid you go work and pray.
Don't you do as your parson does, But do as your parsons say;
But ere you depart to your worldly cares
I'll venture this thing to remark:
Never drink', said the parson.
'I'm awfully dry', said the clerk. 'Amen.
I'm off for a drop', said the clerk.
A song performed by traditional singer Phil Tanner for Maud Karpeles in 1949 – and popularised through subsequent broadcasts and recordings. It was later also collected from the singing of Walter Pardon. Its possible that it survived independently in Australia, as it appears in the repertoire of Australian folklorist Warren Fahey.
In the early 1980s it was discovered that it was originally written for the Halls. The song was written by Geoffrey Thorn, whose brief biography appears below . It was sung in the halls by the prominent early Music Hall star GH MacDermott . It does not appear in very many surviving broadsides or in songsters, perhaps because the chorus was on the edge of what was acceptable at the time.
Contemporary commentators were not entirely convinced that the “Amen” chorus was appropriate. Initially The Era skirted round the issue by saying that the chorus was “startling” but describing an enthusiastic response from the audience:
Mr MacDermott’s last contribution to the programme was the latest and funniest thing from the ready pen of Mr Geoffrey Thorn. It is called, we believe, “The Parson and the Clerk,” and is amusingly illustrative of the little differences of opinion that existed between the two. The audience have a chance of joining in this with a response of a rather startling order, and of that chance they seem to make the most.
Other reports also suggest that audiences were particularly enthusiastic about the chorus. Music Hall owners and managers were less enthusiastic and some, like The Pavilion banned the song (Magnet (London) 8 May 1882). MacDermott continued to sing it, much to the disapproval of The Daily Telegraph:
Mr. McDermott sings his songs so well that it is a pity, perhaps, he was not a little more careful in the selection of them when the condition of Christmas and the theatres are remembered. …. the “Parson and the Clerk,” with its’ refrain of a chanted Amen,” might well be omitted, not that any harm is intended, but for fear of giving unnecessary offence to such as consider that these are subjects best avoided in theatres.
The song was popular amongst 19th-century amateur performers at Penny Readings, Smoking Concerts and other similar events. The earliest report I have found of an amateur performance was on 3 Dec 1881, regarding a performance at the annual dinner of the The Granville Cricket Club. There are regular reports of amateur performances into the early 20th century, sometimes as a duet.
Charles Townley (1843-1905) was a journalist and theatrical writer active in London and in particular Islington between the 1860s and his death. He was a dramatic critic for The Observer under his own name but wrote pantomimes, songs and other theatrical pieces using the pseudonym Geoffrey Thorn. He wrote many songs for GH MacDermott and also for the Mohawk Minstrels. Very few seem to have passed into traditional singing, the only one I have found thus far is this one.
Tony Rose sings it on his 1970 album Young Hunting:
Roy Palmer (1982), The Parson and the Clerk. Folk Music Journal, 4(3), 276–279. http://www.jstor.org/stable/4522108 (includes transcript of sheet music)
Isn’t it grand boys Old Grandpa Look at the coffin Bloody well dead
First Published
1932
Writer/composer
Leslie Sarony
Roud
RN31292
Music Hall Performers
Leslie Sarony
Folk performances
Collected from the singing of: unknown mountaineer ; Scotland : Edinburgh ; no date (before 1955) Modern performances The Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem Joan Baez Russ Chandler
A comic song from the 1930s adapted and adopted by Irish and American singers in the late twentieth century.
Arguably not a Music Hall song as such, but a great comic song from the variety stage of the 1930s composed, written and sung Lesley Sarony. It was also performed and recorded by several other British variety artistes in the 1930s, including: George Jackley, Roy Leslie, The Barmy Brothers and Billy Cotton. The recording of Sarony’s performance given below was released in April 1932 on Imperial Recordings:
The success of Sarony’s version prompted US band leader Alex Bertha to revise the lyrics for an American audience and record it for RCA Victor in July 1932, albeit under a revised title: It must be swell laying out dead. This “borrowing” of Sarony’s song was almost certainly without permission and probably explains why RCA Victor very quickly deleted the release, which became something of a rarity. Here is a recording reproduced on YouTube:
Bertha’s version seems to disappear until early jazz enthusiasts discovered the recording in the 1970s. It doesn’t seem to have influenced the traditional performers who adopted the song.
Renditions of the songs in the folk revival are often assumed to start with The Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem who sang a simplified version with a new chorus:
Let’s not have a sniffle; Let’s have a bloody good cry, And always remember, the longer you live, The sooner you’re going to die
This version, usually called Isn’t it grand boys was the title track of their 1966 album studio album. Their version in turn was taken up by Joan Baez and other folk revival singers.
The Clancy Brothers have sometimes been credited with amending Sarony’s original Music Hall piece to produce the simplified chorus song, but there is considerable evidence that it was being sung under the title “Bloody Well Dead” in American colleges as early as the 1940s. The earliest evidence of this version that I can find is in the 1948 edition of the IOCA Song Fest, a collection of songs sung by members of the Intercollegiate Outing Club Association, an organisation of college outdoor activities clubs. Correspondents on the Mudcat site suggest it was widely sung by scouts and in rugby clubs from the 1950s on. In 1961 it was recorded by a group of Harvard Students using the name The Raunch Hands. It appears in the 1965 Song Sheets of the Royal Canadian Ordnance Corps, so it was also sung in informal military settings.
It was published in 1955 as “Old Grandpa” in Bennet’s Edinburgh Mountaineering Song Book (Revised edn., 1955) p.23
Here’s Russ Chandler returns to the Sarony original:
Collected from the singing of: Smith, Bill ; England ; Shropshire ; 1980
From sheet music: Francis, Day and Hunter Sixpenny Popular Edition
FLANAGAN
Written by CW Murphy and Will Letters. Sung by Florrie Forde.
Flanagan said to his girl, my dear
"Holiday time will be shortly here
Haven't you thought where you'd like to go?
Hurry up, dear, for I want to know
The Isle of Anglesey's all right
Or the Isle of Wight might do."
But the lady saidm, as she hung her head
"If it's all the same to you …
Flanagan, Flanagan
Take me to the Isle of Man again
Take me where the folks all cry
K-E-double-L-Y
Flanagan, Flanagan
If you love your Mary Ann
Oh Oh Oh Oh Flanagan
Take me to the Isle of Man."
Flanagan said, “Be advised by me
Never mind isles in the Irish Sea
Giddy Ostend is a place as fair,
Be a good girl, I’ll take you there
The Gay Casino’s simply grand
It’s a sight that none should miss
Only say, ‘Oui Oui!’ but she said, "‘"Not me!
All I want to say is this:”
Flanagan, who was a brilliant man
Suddenly hit on a brilliant plan
“Couldn’t we both stay at home?” said he,
“Marry me, dear, with the L. S. D”
The poor girl blushed a rosy red,
Quite a tender spot he’d found
She said “Have your way, but you’ll hear me say
When the honeymoon comes round:"
Another hit in the Halls for Florrie Forde, one of many songs celebrating the joys of the Isle of Man. It was written and composed for her by CW Murphy and Will Letters, a successful follow-up for their earlier song: Has anybody here seen Kelly?
From Wehman's Collection of Songs, No. 36 p10TWO SWEETHEARTS
Copyright, 1892, by Francis, Day & Hunter.
Written and Composed by Lester Barrett.
I know it's not correct have two sweethearts at a time,
Tho' I must candidly confess I'm guilty of the crime;
But things are getting rather warm, and soon there'll be a smash,
The one has lots of beauty and the other lots of cash.
And I don't want the one that I don't want to know
That I want the one that I want,
And the one that I want she wants me to go
And give up the other at once.
Why I don't want the one that I don't want to know
That I want the one that I want,
Is, if I lose the one that I want, don't you know,
I might want the one that I don't want.
Matilda, with her pretty face, has got a charm for me;
Jemima, 'tho she's rather old, has got the L. S. D.
I must have one — I can't have both, for that would not be right,
And if they find me out, why, then, I'd have them both to fight.
SPOKEN — The ladies I am sure, will think me a monster; but I think the gentlemen will sympathize with me, when I tell them that — Chorus.
I often think 'twould serve me right if, through my long delay,
Some other fellow came and stole the darling ones away;
In such a case I hardly know whatever I should do,
But then, of course, I quite forgot he couldn't have the two.
SPOKEN — I went to my solicitor to-day for advice. He said I ought to be horsewhipped, and satirically inquired if I would like an Act of Parliament
for especial benefit; but he was still more disgusted with me when I told him that — Chorus.
This Music Hall song, written and performed by Lester Barrett, does not appear to have featured in the repertoire of traditional singers. Its included here to distinguish it from a song which did – the extremely popular American song: Two Sweetheartsof mine (words: E.P. Moran, music: J. Fred Helf, 1898). The American song was famously sung by The Carter Family and appears in the repertoire of a large number of traditional singers on both sides of the Atlantic. The sentimental American song has occasionally been confused with Lester Barrett’s comic piece.
Collected from the singing of: Smith, Bill ; England : Shropshire ; 1981
From sheet music:
Now when I was out of work the missus nagged so much you see!
I went down to the station to see if I could make a 'D'
They dressed me in this uniform and then they said to me
You're PC Forty Nine.
The first time I came out the kids threw mud and spoilt my clothes
A dozen navvies looked at me and punched me on the nose
I don't suppose Jack Johnson ever stopped so many blows
As PC Forty Nine!
PC Forty Nine, Anyone can have this little job of mine!
They throw me in some melted tar, till I was nearly dead,
Then got a big steamroller which they ran across my head
When I got back the sergeant cried "Who are you?" So I said:
I'm PC Forty Nine
One night they held a meeting to advance the suffragette,
The Sergeant said "We need a lot of men they can't upset"
He looked around the station then he shouted "You can bet
For PC Forty Nine"
But how those women mauled me when they caught me by the throat!
They tore the clothes right off my back, to try and get the vote
For all they left me wearing was the collar of my coat
With PC Forty Nine.
PC Forty Nine, Anyone can have this little job of mine!
They ripped my clothes to ribbons, so for help I had to call,
The Sergeant looked at me and said, as I stood by the wall
"I thought it was Maud Alan but it isn't her at all
Its PC Forty Nine"
I'm getting used to burglars for I know 'em all by site
In fact there's nothing else around, still everything is all right
You see I get so lonely that they're company at night
For PC Forty Nine
They come round and make me hold the ladder down below
While they climb through the window and into the house they go
I don't know how it is, but somehow they don't seem to know
I'm PC Forty Nine
PC Forty Nine, Anyone can have this little job of mine!
When I got out my handcuffs to arrest the tricky band,
They said they give me ninepence for 'em and snatched 'em from me hand
And then they stole my helmet, cos they didn't understand
I'm PC Forty Nine
The sergeant set out one night on a desperado's track
But couldn't find this Anarchist so after he came back,
He said "There's only one man who can catch Ferocious Jack,
That's PC Forty Nine"
So I dressed like a woman, twas a good disguise no doubt,
Then in the den of Anarchists, I rushed with such a shout
In half a minute after there was one poor chap laid out
Twas PC Forty Nine.
PC Forty Nine, Anyone can have this little job of mine!
They tied me to a lamppost and they set me all on fire,
I blazed up like a furnace – I was still in girls attire,
The sergeant said "It's Joan of Arc!" But I said "You're a liar"
Its PC Forty Nine
A big hit in the halls for JW Rickaby in the years immediately before the First World War. It was written for him by William Hargreaves. It was later collected from the singing of Bill Smith by his son -its available on A country life – Songs and stories of a Shropshire man (MTCD351).
