Any old iron

Lyrics Charles Collins,
Fred Terry		 Music E.A. Sheppard. Roud RN32461

Music Hall performers Harry Champion
Folk performances The Chieftains 

Just a week or two ago my poor old Uncle Bill
Went and kicked the bucket and he left me in his Will
The other day I popped around to see poor Auntie Jane
She said, ”Your Uncle Bill has left to you a old watch and chain
I put it on - right across me vest
Thought I looked a dandy as it dangled on me chest
Just to flash it off I started walking round about
A lot of kiddies followed me and all began to shout,

 Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron?
You look neat, talk about a treat
You look dapper from your napper to your feet
Dressed in style, brand new tile,
And your Father's old green tie on
But I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch chain
Old iron, old iron.

I went to the city once and I thought I'd have a spree
The Mayor of London he was there, that's who I came to see
He dashed up at a canter in a carriage and a pair
I shouted, “Holler boys” and threw my hat up in the air
Just then the Mayor - he began to smile
Saw my face and then he shouted, “Lummy what a dial”
Started Lord Mayoring an' I thought that I should die
When pointing to my watch and chain and he hollered to me, “Hi,”


Just to have a little bit of fun the other day
Made up in my watch and chain, I went and drew my pay
Then got out with a lot of other Colonels ‘on the loose'
I got full right up to here in fourp'ny ‘stagger juice'
One of them said, “We want a pot of ale.
Run him to the rag shop and we'll bung him on the scale.”
I heard the fellow say, “What's in this bundle that you've got?”
Then whisper to me kindly: Do you want to lose your lot?”


Shan't forget when I got married to Selena Brown
The way that people laughed at me it made me feel a clown
I began to wonder when their dials began to crack
If by mistake I'd got my Sunday trousers front to back
I wore my chain - on me Darby-kel
The sun was shining on it and made me look a swell
The organ started playing and the bells began to ring
Me chain began to rattle so the choir began to sing,

Harry Champion (1866-1942) was a well loved comedian and singer between the 1880s and 1930s. Many of the Cockney songs we know and sing today were in his repertoire. One of the great historians of the Halls, Richard Anthony Baker, found this wonderfully snooty quote about him in his Obituary in The Times:

[He] brimmed over with vigour and character. In very baggy and dilapidated old clothes, with hat jauntily on one side, he would shuffle rapidly to and fro, hands, feet and body all moving rhythmically to a jiggling tune… There was nothing refined or subtle about the performance, merely a salty, irrepressible vigour which immediately put an unsophisticated audience in good humour.”

The Times, Jan 1942

Last updated: January 2020

Sources:

Harry Champion’s version