Row upon the stairs, The

From Joe Wilson's Tyneside songs, ballads and drolleries Part 1 (c1865) quoted  in Dave Harker (2017) The Gallowgate Lad p11:

To the tune Yankee Doodle Uncle Sam

Says Mistress Bell to Mistress Todd 
“Ye'd better clean the stairs!
Ye’ve missed yor turn for monny a week, 
The neybors a’ did theirs!”
Says Mistress Todd te Mistress Bell, 
Aw toll ye Mitress Bell,
Ye’d batter mind yor awn affairs, 
An’ clean the stairs yorsel!”

Oh what tungs i’ the row upon the stairs, 
Clitterin, clatterin, scandal, an’ clash, 
I’ the row upon the stairs.

Says Mistress Todd — “when it suits ma 
Te think that it’s me turn,
Ye've a vast o’ check te order me, 
Thor’s not a wummin born
That keep’s a cleaner hoose than me, 
An’ mark ye, Mistress Bell,
Ef yo’d oney de tho syem as me, 
Yo'd gan an’ clean—yorsel!”

Says Mistress Bell — “ye clarty fah, 
We was’t that stole the beef?”
What do ye say ?” cries Mistress Todd, 
“De ye mean that aw’m a thief?
Let's heh the sixpence thas aw lent 
Te treat Meg Smith wi’ gin!
An’ where's the blanket that ye gat
The last time ye lay in?”

Says Mistress Bell — “ye knaw yorsel 
The sixpence’s lang been paid,
An’ the raggy blanket that ye lent 
Was ne use thon ye said!” 
“A raggy blanket! Mistress Bell,” 
Cries Mistress Todd — "what cheek! 
Yor dorty stocking had two holes
Full twice the sizo last week!” ,

“Maw holey stockins, Mistress Todd, 
Luks better i’ the street
Than yor gud man’s awd blucher beuts
Ye weer te hide yor feet!
The eer-rings ye gat frae the Jew 
On tick the tuthor day,
'Il be like the fine manadge man’s shawl, 
The syem as gien away!”

Says Mistress Todd — “ye greet sk’yet gob, 
Ye’d better had yor jaw,
The varry shift upon yor back 
Belangs the wife belaw!”’
“Ye lazy wretch" — shoots Mistress Bell, 
"It’s true, thor is ne doot, 
Last neet ye fuddled wi’ Bob the Snob 
The time yor man wes oot!”

“Oh, Mistress Bell!" — says Mistress Todd, 
“Ye brazind-lucking slut,
Ye may tawk away — te clean the stairs 
Aw’ll nivor stir a fut!
Afore aw’d lift a skoorin cloot 
The mucky stairs te clean,
Aw’'d see them turn as black as ye, 
Ye pawnshop luckin queen!”

A famous Tyneside Music Hall dialect song from the 1860s, written and performed by the star of the early Tyneside Halls Joe Wilson. Like many local Music Hall songs of this period, it was sung to well known earlier tune, in this case, the tune of an American song Yankee Doodle Uncle Sam.

[American broadsides of Yankee Doodle Uncle Sam in turn suggest that song should be sung to the tune Bag of Nails (RN26083)]