After you with the soap, Dear

There were two old washerwomen at their tubs, 
T'would have done you good to have seen 'em, 
They were talking politics between the scrubs, 
With one bit of soap between 'em.
Said one to the other, "Don't call me a liar," 
It gives debate no scope, dear,
If you doubt my word, be more polite
And say, "After you with the soap, dear."

That way to discuss would just suit us, 
For verses there's such scope, dear,
But I never tell a lie! No, more do I! 
Ahem! "After you with the soap, dear."
 
The golfing craze gets worse, and worse,
Clubs everywhere you'll find em,
Men spend their lives a looking for a ball, 
While a little boy trots behind them. 
They say it brings out men's good points. 
But if what I've heard is true, dear,
It brings out something else as well, 
What? Very fine language too, dear!

If the ball gets bunked he turns pale
Then green and heliotrope, dear,
You then see sparks when he remarks ...(swearing bus.)
"After you with the soap, dear."
 
John Bull's been making pals all round. 
The "Entente's" in full swing dear, 
And Peace will be the fashion now, 
Thanks to our charming King, dear.
He flirts with France, with Spain he'll dance, 
He's Italy's sympathizer,
He's won the hearts of nearly all, 
And his last recruit is the Kaiser.

How nice to be at Peace with all.
There'll be no cause to mope, dear.
We'll sack our army and sell our Fleet, and ...
"After you with the soap, dear."	

When the motor buses first came out,
"Full inside" and "Out" you'd find 'em,
And folks never thought of the row and the dust, 
And the smell they left behind them.
To House-agents they've done some good, 
For as down each road they've blundered,
They cracked the ceilings, smashed the crocks, 
And there's houses to let by the hundred.

On a motor bus I went for a trip,
"You got back safe, I hope, dear,"
There was a crash, and smell and the thing blew to ...
"After you with the soap, dear."
 
We've got a government at last
That's worked some social wonders, 
Not like the lot that got kick'd out, 
With it's "Jingo" shouts and blunders. 
They've linked our Colonies with love, 
And " Old Age " pensions brought us, 
In passing bills with lightning speed, 
What a lesson they have taught us.

"Protection" is the mystic word
In the Country's Horoscope, dear,
If Joe one day could come back, I'd say ...
"After you with the soap, dear."

The "Limerick" boom has had a run, 
In every town it fizzes,
And lots of people say rude things 
About parting with their "tizzies" 
I sent some lines! And so did I! 
But the thing that me surprises, 
Is how on earth they came to print 
The rot that gets the prizes.
 
If you were judge what would you do?
The same as they, I hope, dear!
Look after my pals — what did you say?
After you with the soap, dear."