Why is the Bacon so tough?

Suppose you come down to your breakfast one day, 
Oh dear what a head! 
The coffee is cold there are bills you must pay; 
You wish you were dead.
You turn from your plate and you say to your wife: 
"I've never seen bacon like this in my life!" 

Why is the bacon in so tough? 
"There's nothing like leather" they say
This Bacon's the stuff For your household repairs, 
The soles of your boots and the seats of your chairs. 
But what made you think it was Bacon? 
I can't get my teeth in the stuff. 
I'm going to agree with the people who say, 
"A rasher a day keeps the cobbler away" 
If Bacon wrote Shakespeare – tough luck on the play. 
Oh why is this Bacon so tough?

Now Bacon, when tender is excellent stuff, 
Lean, streaky or fat. 
But bacon is terrible when is tough, 
No doubt about that. 
If you have a rasher you cannot digest, 
Now don't shoot the wife she is doing her best. 

Why is the bacon so tough? 
That's what I'm anxious to know 
I'm sending this piece of rhinoceros hide 
To build a new battleship down the Clyde. 
It's plates will be rashers of bacon, 
Full steel isn't lasting enough. 
The Navy will cheer and your health will be drunk; 
Each sailor will sleep safe and seven in his bunk 
For a boat built of bacon could never be sunk 
Oh why is the bacon so tough?

Why is the bacon so tough? 
It mustn't be wasted you know. 
The underground railway I fancy will find 
That girders and rails can be made from the rind. 
I don't think they'll use it for tickets 
They can't punch a hole in the stuff 
They'll use it to strengthen permanent way 
And when they have straps made of bacon, they say 
We shall hang on a rasher the whole of the way 
Thank goodness the bacon is tough!